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OPINION

Pro-Tips For Everyone In Politics

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

Sometimes there’s so much going on that it’s impossible to pick just one topic to write about. Since it’s Easter – and Happy Easter, by the way (unless you’re Greek Orthodox, then Happy Easter next Sunday) – I figured it was the perfect time for quick little hits on a lot of subjects, some pro-tips for anyone interested in working in politics. 

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First, don’t. Good Lord, do something productive! Work with your hands, and do a job where you can feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day over having done something tangible. 

If you’re going to plow ahead anyway, and I did so, I’m one to talk; here are some bits of advice ripped from the headlines today to help you on your way.

Do not expect intellectual honesty from Democrats. Consistency is for suckers; it’s important to remember that Democrats view most things as a means to an end. They aren’t motivated by principles on the vast majority of issues. They will claim their push to gut the Second Amendment is about “protecting children” but will support abortion till the 3rd grade or the physical butchering of kids because they picked up a GI Joe instead of a Barbie. Children, like everything, are means to an end – an end that gives them more power, more control over everyone else – and that’s it. 

When you point this out, you would expect some sense of self-awareness to kick in, followed by the embarrassment that accompanies the exposure of blatant hypocrisy. You don’t get it from Democrats. They know they look hypocritical to outsiders, but they don’t actually feel like hypocrites because they don’t genuinely mean any of it. Pretending to care about kids is the peanut butter Democrats use to make the dog (voters) take their pill, only in this case, the pill is a low dose of poison. 

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Never trust them, even when you have it in writing.

Never accept defeat…or victory. Democrats ran to courts so fast every time the Trump administration did anything that you would’ve thought they were Bill Clinton on intern orientation day. They found some left-wing Obama judge to halt everything nationwide before the ink was dry on any Executive Order. Republicans are returning that favor. However, unlike Republicans, Democrats are likely to adopt the Andrew Jackson attitude of “John Marshall (SCOTUS Chief Justice at the time) has made his decision, now let him enforce it” when it came to the eviction of Indians from the South. Jackson was a Democrat, after all. 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is calling for the Biden administration to ignore a recent court ruling on abortion pills because she doesn’t like it…and she’s a Nazi. There’s a good chance they will ignore it because why not? What would be the consequences? Republicans in the House MIGHT impeach, but it’s doubtful. If they did, the Senate wouldn’t convict. There wouldn’t be a single Democrat who’d simply criticize Biden for acting like a dictator because he’s their dictator. 

Since we’re essentially talking about prostitutes, never enter a non-disclosure agreement with a porn star. It doesn’t matter if you did something with them you want them to keep quiet about or if they’re simply extorting you, don’t trust them. Never, ever pay anyone to keep their mouth shut when their mouth is literally one-third of their entire business model. It never works out. 

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Finally, if you’re a normal woman in the market for a good sports bra or yoga pants, don’t buy Nike. Now that the company famous for Air Jordans and child slave labor has signed up cross-dressing Internet actor Dylan Mulvaney to pretend to be a woman in their clothes. I guess that means Nike sports bras are really good for support if you don’t have breasts, and their tights are excellent for hiding a penis, provided it’s small enough. For real women, they don’t offer much, or they’d hire real women to highlight those benefits

Instead, Nike has a history of threatening real women with a loss of income unless they perform, even if they just gave birth. Curiously, Nike forced black women to perform before they were physically ready but had no “doing anything” caveat in their contract with Colin Kaepernick. When you think about that, you begin to see why they might hire a man to pretend to be a woman rather than a real woman – they don’t like women, especially women of color, it seems. 

Turnabout is the fairest of plays; always hold your enemies to the standards they hold you to and never apologize for doing so. The days of taking a punch and apologizing for possibly hurting their fist are over; hit back. That’s the biggest pro-tip of all: sharpen your elbows because it’s gonna get ugly. 

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Derek Hunter is the host of a free daily podcast (subscribe!), host of a daily radio show, and author of the book, Outrage, INC., which exposes how liberals use fear and hatred to manipulate the masses, and host of the weekly “Week in F*cking Review” podcast where the news is spoken about the way it deserves to be. Follow him on Twitter at @DerekAHunter.

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