Political scammers and grifters never rest, just like sharks never sleep, but there are times when, like sharks, those in politics engage in a feeding frenzy: the end of the month.
It’s a magical time in political fundraising, an arbitrary deadline made up to create a sense of urgency hoping to inspire dumb people to enter their credit card numbers and go a little deeper in debt so you don’t have to get a real job. It’s gross, if you really think about it.
But those engaging in it either never think about it or do not possess the shred of human decency required to think scaring or scamming people into giving you their money is something they cannot do. The Democrat Party has a lot of people like that.
The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee is full of people like that. As the end of February approached, the fake panic set in. An email with the subject line, “we’re BEGGING, Derek” came on the last day. Why not capitalize the first letter? To make the caps lock more dramatic – they’re so desperate they’re BEGGING!
They’ve gone full “I don’t want to do actual work for a living” freak out in the text with, “we’ll cut straight to the chase: We are just 13 hours away from our End of Month Deadline- but we’re still $62,000 short of our must-hit goal! So before time runs out, we’re rushing to you with an urgent request straight from Democratic HQ: Can you chip in $3 to elect House Democrats and close our budget gap before it’s too late? Generous Democrats are even 300%-MATCHING the first 500 gifts we receive in these final 13 hours!”
Why wouldn’t these “Generous Democrats” cough up the $62,000, if it’s so important? Because A) it’s not important, the deadline is made up; and B) Those “Generous Democrats” don’t exist, it’s a con to make people think they can REALLY help by giving now because a magic unicorn that eats dollar bills and poops twenties is just waiting for them to feed it.
But the DCCC was not done (because they never are). Later in the same day they sent another email, this one with the subject, “PLEADING with you, Derek.” This one read, “DON’T delete this email. DON’T ignore our urgent pleas. DON’T give Republicans the satisfaction. Because President Obama delivered a STUNNING call to action for grassroots supporters everywhere to rise up and DEFEND our House Democrats.”
What was the “STUNNING call to action”? A dour picture of Barack with the words, “We can’t afford anybody on the sidelines” written on it. That’s it. When did he say it? Lord only knows. What was he talking about? Doesn’t matter. Did he actually say it? Who cares?
“President Obama is absolutely right,” it continues. “If we want any hope of retaking our Democratic House Majority, NO ONE can sit on the sidelines. NOT while Republicans cause chaos and attack our democracy. NOT while the GOP raises MILLIONS to outspend us AGAIN. NOT while Trump prepares a RETURN to the White House. So we’re joining President Obama in the fight and calling on 6,800 more of our most loyal Democrats to rush in $3 to hand Trump’s Republicans a STUNNING rebuke before time runs out on our End of Month Deadline.”
This garbage will work on people.
Then there’s the queen of scamming suckers: Nancy Pelosi. She’s not about to let an opportunity to feather her nest deeper pass without getting her piece of the action. “My final question,” the subject line reads.
After a crush of end of month emails from her, this one reads, “I’m sorry to bother you again — but I need one last push from my strongest supporters. I need just 2 — TWO! — more gifts from your ZIP code before my massive End of Month Deadline at midnight. I told you earlier how much Republicans are raising. If we want any chance of TAKING BACK the House and keeping the Senate, we’ll need to hit every single critical benchmark like this one. So please: Can I count on you to be one of the final TWO grassroots donors I need from your ZIP code in these final hours before my End of Month Deadline?”
See, it’s not so much about the money, it’s about the number of donors. They only want the money so they can measure the suckers, er, donors and reach the goal they completely made up. Won’t you help?
How these people live with themselves I’ll never understand, that they find people to give them huge piles of money with these weak “asks” is the saddest part of all of it.
