Look, I would prefer a world where almost all Democrats have their faces covered all the time. Not because of COVID, but to muffle the stupidity pouring out of their pie holes and because a huge percentage of them are wildly unattractive. The less we hear from them and see their faces the better off we all are, especially around meal times. But selling stupid people masks that don’t work for campaign contributions is a new level of moronic, even for them. Yet, that’s exactly what they’re trying to do.
Of course, the truly gifted con artist convinces their mark that they’re doing them a favor by unburdening their bank account of money, so much so that long after the con is done the target still has no idea they’ve been robbed. That’s how Democrats operate – smooth, like bad jazz.
I got a fundraising email from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee this weekend with the subject line, “We want to say thanks!” The exclamation point was a nice touch, if childish, and so was the sentiment. The only interesting part was wondering what they wanted to thank me for. I’ve never done anything for them, nor would I ever, but morbid curiosity got the best of me and opened the email.
“We’re giving away ‘I believe in science’ face masks as a thank you to everyone who donates $24 or more to support Democrats,” it opens. “So we have to ask, Derek: Can we send you two INCREDIBLE face masks as a token of our appreciation?”
Wow, $24 for TWO MASKS! Not just two masks, but two masks with the words “I believe in science” written across them. Those must be some special masks, right? And for the price, not only must they be solid N95 masks, the DCCC will send someone to your house to make sure it’s properly fitted to your face, right? Not so much, no, on any of that.
Democrats are selling what look like loose-fitting, cloth masks and gently slip over the ears. Think what you will of masks, the only real scientific data is that N95 masks might help stop the spread of some airborne molecules and, therefore, have moderate value, but everything else is garbage. (On a personal note, I still get a kick out of people wearing those face shields like they’re the personal sneeze guard at a public salad bar. I don’t care, I support people’s right to do whatever makes them comfortable, but do these people now know how air works? Have you ever been in a pool and thought about water? Those shields are about as useful as marriage vows are on a coked-out Hunter Biden. But whatever…)
These DCCC masks look like cloth you could drive a truck through. They are decidedly not based anywhere near science. But Democrats are still in a frenzy, and masks were only ever meant to make people in that frenzy feel better, feel “safer,” not actually be safer.
The email continues that “the holidays are a time to gather with loved ones. And here at Democratic HQ, we’re committed to helping keep you and your community safe. So if you and your loved ones choose to wear masks this holiday season, we’ve got you covered. For a limited time only, we’re giving away ‘I believe in science’ face masks to anyone who donates $24 or more to elect House Democrats. It’s our way of showing our appreciation!”
If someone and their family were inclined to wear masks when they got together, don’t you think they’d have them already? But there’s a difference between your mask where you’re taken a Sharpie to it to write “I trust Fauci” and one with a cheaply computer embroidered “I believe in science” on it…and that difference is yours might be an N95 mask.
“Don’t miss your chance,” it concludes, because who would want to? “We’ll send you your limited edition ‘I believe in science’ face mask right now as a thank you when you make a gift of $24 or more! Quickly, will you rush in $24 or more before midnight to elect House Democrats? As a thank you for your generous support, we’ll mail you a set of TWO exclusive face masks! Thanks, DCCC.”
To add stupid to more stupid – again, if you’re hoping to cover your face and virtue signal at Christmas dinner, you’re never going to get these masks in time. The only use of the word “rush” is in reference to your money going to them, not their porous face diaper going to you. Given the efficiency of political parties to service small money donors, you can likely expect your mask by June…when they’ll be trying to sell you “Pride Month Masks!” which I’m kind of surprised they didn’t try to do over Monkeypox, honestly. Give them time, I guess.