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O.J. Simpson's Jailhouse Rap

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

It was 13 years ago that O.J. Simpson was acquitted in the stabbing murders of his wife, Nicole, and waiter Ron Goldman, two grizzly deaths for which he was most certainly responsible.

On Dec. 5, Simpson was sentenced to at least nine years in a Nevada prison for a Las Vegas robbery attempt of what he claimed was his own sports memorabilia.

We live in a crazy world, and the shamelessness never ends for Simpson: On the same day he was sentenced, Xtreme Entertainment Group (XEG) announced they would be selling a new comedy DVD starring Simpson called "Juiced!"

It's one of those stories (or press releases) that you want to keep thinking is a horrible joke, but the video is for sale on the Internet. Rolling Stone reports Simpson is performing in his first-ever "gangsta rap" video entitled "Get Juiced," complete with inane lyrics like "Don't you know there's no stopping the Juice/When I'm on the floor I'm like a lion on the loose/Better shoot me with a tranquilizer dart/Don't be stupid, I'm not a Simpson named Bart."

Obviously Simpson is no longer on the loose. But his "comedy" video bottom-feeders remain at large, and are accepting Visa, MasterCard, Discover and American Express.

XEG's press release boasts Simpson plays a gangsta rapper "holding ruthless auditions for his new hit song 'Get Juiced' at a sex-crazed strip club." They dangle the final edit of "this controversial, hard-hitting and powerful rap" with "DJ Juice" surrounded by half-naked burlesque dancers as the reward for buying the Special Deluxe Edition "Juiced" DVD. The website shows gyrating women with "Censored" across their private parts.

The bad taste knows no bounds for XEG and Simpson, as they play his infamy for giggles and lamely ape MTV's "Candid Camera" update called "Punk'd." In one skit, O.J. plays "an unctuous used car salesman trying to peddle an infamous white Bronco with an 'authentic' bullet hole touting the vehicle's 'escapability' feature to prospective buyers." He promises there are "no bodies" inside.

Can Simpson's violence be played for laughs? XEG thinks so: "Witness O.J. Simpson caught 'cheating' with another man's fiancee in a seedy motel before a confrontation ensues, resulting in a heart-pounding domestic disturbance that will leave you breathless!" They also promise "we see O.J. and a nine-iron dealing with the paparazzi during an extraordinary golf game." They suggested the photographer is "almost decapitated." Ring a bell?

If that doesn't exactly sound like promising comedy, imagine O.J. Simpson arriving at your door as the pizza delivery guy, "with your half-eaten order -- who then tries to steal your change." If he's arriving with two thugs holding guns, then it's way too close to reality.

XEG also plays Simpson's latest Las Vegas infamy for laughs. Vegas tourists find themselves "serenaded" by O.J. dressed up as an Elvis impersonator, complete with a "mini-Elvis midget sidekick."

Simpson's race is also part of the joke in "another hilarious, albeit uncomfortable sequence, as O.J. is secretly disguised as an elderly, foul-mouthed, Caucasian bingo caller at a senior center." On ABC, the late-night "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" did their parody of this parody, having the fake-Caucasian O.J. put down on a banana peel and stab the man who slipped on it. That's not very funny either, but at least it underlines the sickness it's ridiculing.

The scummy impresario behind this horrible product is XEG founder Rick Mahr, who began his video career by filming violent backyard-wrestling matches. He branched out from there to a "World's Wildest" series -- "World's Wildest College Parties," "World's Wildest Bachelor Parties" and "World's Wildest Street Fights" (which included "Ghetto Brawls" and "Brawling Broads").

Mahr's latest non-Simpson video is called "Street Anarchy: Knuckle Up." He promises viewers, "here comes the most sadistic, no-holds-barred, totally uncensored street fight compilation ever caught on tape!! No rules. No referees. No way out! ... [G]et prepared to witness the most brutally entertaining non-stop ruckus video you will ever see!!"

The "Juiced" video of Simpson would also qualify as a most sadistic product, and in a moral if not a legal sense, ought to have all its profits diverted to pay Simpson's judgment in the civil suit filed by the Goldman family. There's been no reporting on whether Simpson was paid for all of his stunt work. Why else would he do it? This kind of sick moneymaking scheme is exactly the kind of offense that generated the "Son of Sam" laws: to impose some fraction of justice to buckrakers who've displayed no conscience at all.

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