It was a rough week out in Minneapolis. Everyone knew that after a run of extraordinary electoral success from 2000-2006, their favorite Republican icon had crashed under the psychic weight of the '06 defeat, but no one knew how far the pachyderm had truly fallen...
...Until he showed up to the 2008 Republican Convention photo shoot. According to sources, the face of the GOP was "completely out of it" and made frequent trips to the bathroom during the shoot. His mood, we're told, was extremely erratic. Our on-set spy tells us he ordered fried chicken at one point, later wiping his dirty tusks clean with his custom-made wardrobe, costing the party thousands of dollars, and trampling at least one volunteer underfoot in a postprandial attack.
The troubled mascot's agent would not comment except to promise a really awesome comeback in 2008, perhaps at the MTV Music Awards.
But seriously, who decided to make the GOP Convention elephant look high and extremely threatening?
In other news, the Democratic Party's mascot was too enthusiastic about that famed Colorado kind bud to even show up for a shoot: