There were so many people buying breakfast bags of heroin from street dealers one Philadelphia morning, the traffic came to a standstill and the dealers cursed at anyone who dared honk.
I'm turning into my father.
It's been almost three weeks since you dropped me off at summer camp. You better come get me 'cause I'm in big trouble.
Get this: Renting is the new American dream. And that doesn't bode well for America.
With all the money we borrowed and spent in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis and all the money we keep borrowing and spending, our debt-to-GDP ratio has shot up to 74 percent.
Get this: The average human being now has a shorter attention span than a goldfish.
"Beer, family gatherings and fireworks! Gosh, I love the Fourth of July!"
According to WikiLeaks, the United States National Security Agency spied on French presidents Jacques Chirac, Nicolas Sarkozy and Francois Hollande, reports Reuters. I contacted my French informant, Pierre Le Paint, to learn why.
It's a fashion trend that I don't think I'll ever get used to: More American women are letting their armpit hair grow.
At 53, I've come to understand the fleeting nature of time and how it is intent on robbing from me the people I hold dear.
Get this: Conservatives give better graduation speeches than their more liberal-minded counterparts.
I don't know why everyone is so up in arms that alleged newsman George Stephanopoulos donated $75,000 to a private foundation co-owned and operated by a woman who hopes to be president.
It was the most moving Memorial Day ceremony I've ever attended.
I handed my debit card to the owner of a barbecue restaurant. He saw my name on the card.
I didn't know it when I was young, but I was one of the luckiest young men on the planet. I had a father who loved me and imposed his will on me.
After I read the news report, I popped the wine cork and praised the science gods. Alcohol consumption helps us live longer
When I came to, I was on my back on the floor of my accountant's office. "What happened?" I said. "When I told you how much you owe, you went down like ton of bricks," said my accountant.
"America and the West have a historic opportunity to negotiate a nuclear agreement that will promote peace in the Middle East and the world. It will give your country, Iran, a brighter future. What do you say to that?"
The old grocery store in my neighborhood is closing next month. Boy, does that make me sad.
St. Patrick's Day celebrations are getting a wee bit out of hand.