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The Founding Fathers Were Geniuses
OPINION

The Devil Made Me Do It!

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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As with C.S. Lewis, I cannot disclose how this devilish, intercepted communication fell into my hands, but disclose it I must:

Devil: Dear Graduate Wormwood, your bold move to take on America as your first project--the Enemy's bastion of patriotism, faith and apple pie--has surprised us all! Your progress...

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Wormwood: Progress! We've got God, I mean the Enemy, on the run, or at least jogging up a sweat. With the help of a few gullible complainers, we've turned America's freedom of religion into freedom from religion. Let the Enemy's meek minions hide in their churches; we've taken the public square, and they're too polite to fight back.

Devil: You've successfully turned tolerance into politically correct acceptance.

Wormwood: Of course, all thanks to you for your long-term efforts to mentor me in the art of temptation and manipulation. It's working. Sin is winning. Envy is in. It's all love and no repentance. God is passé, and big government is the benevolent savior providing all the entitlements votes can buy.

Devil: I must congratulate you. This growing faith in government as the answer to all man's woes is a stroke of genius. They used to be praying to the Enemy for guidance and wisdom. Now, they just demand more from their representatives. Why help your neighbor when the government will do it for you on someone else's dime!

Wormwood: Dime! Ha! We're talking big dollars here! The debt they're passing on to their children is staggering. We've made so much progress in the envy and greed department, that no one has trouble with trillions of dollars in debt. Give me now and let others pay up later!

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Devil: How you've managed to get the masses to hate the producers for their "greed" is a real tribute to your advanced "blame game" training.

Wormwood: Yes, when in pain find someone to blame. When you can't make ends meet, it's easy to blame those evil rich people who obviously must have cheated to be so successful. Now, it helps when you have a president who plays into your plan. Every time he says, "They don't pay their fair share," I leap and laugh with joy. He's doing everything he can to destroy the very work ethic that made America great. This presidential dependence pusher has increased the number of Americans hooked on their next government fix by 23% in just three years! Instead of using the gifts the Enemy has given them, they're waiting for their next "gift" from Washington!

Devil: They not only don't believe in the Enemy; they don't believe in themselves. Those free government goodies are enslaving their souls.

Wormwood: Yes, watching them march against the evil 1% is so satisfying. After all, pointing fingers at the greed of rich neighbors allows them to avoid seeing their own greed. Their demands are hilarious, but they stem from their own envy and self-righteous anger.

Devil: Now, they're even demanding free condoms and contraceptives as a medical necessity. The lust we promote is now subsidized!

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Wormwood: Getting government funding under the guise of women's rights is just an added bonus. The Enemy's Ten Commandments are looking more like ten suggestions. The Enemy's faithful complain, but their calls to conscience fall on deaf ears in Washington.

Devil: How'd you do it?

Wormwood: There is something about self-absorption and narcissism that has become so American. Me, me, me is somehow so "in." I just play the music, and they dance to the tune!

Devil: Your work to spoil the young has done wonders in creating expectations that only more government entitlements can fill.

Wormwood: Discipline is out. Achievement is out. Cheap self-esteem is in. Everyone wins whether they deserve it or not. I can't tell you how easy it was to sell.

Devil: How's your anti-Semitism campaign going? You know how hard we've worked to kill support for Israel. You remember, the Enemy supports those who support Israel and curse those who curse it.

Wormwood: With the media's help, we're making great strides. More Americans find it easy to hate the big-strong Israel's abuse of the poor, weak Arab victims who are just seeking freedom. It was a PR coup when we wrapped their power grab around the "Arab Spring" mantle.

Devil: I love it! Sounds like a new, refreshing bar of soap!

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Wormwood: We know their march to freedom is just an invitation to radical tyranny, but the media refuses to see it. Israel is out there alone.

Devil: Any progress on the economic front?

Wormwood: With any luck, we'll eventually have chaos on the streets. It's happening now in Europe. The occupiers were the start. When you take away the freebies from the "takers" they get downright nasty. We thrive on chaos. When chaos reigns, people think the Enemy has deserted them.

Devil: They don't yet realize that it's them who have deserted the Enemy and the principles that made them strong. If only it were permanent.

Wormwood: The table is set for the Fall.

Devil: Do not discount the Enemy, Wormwood. We have done so before.

...And the Spirit of God hovered over the darkness...

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