As with C.S. Lewis, I cannot disclose how this devilish, intercepted communication fell into my hands, but disclose it I must:
Devil: Dear Graduate Wormwood, your bold move to take on America as your first project--the Enemy's bastion of patriotism, faith and apple pie--has surprised us all! Your progress...
Wormwood: Progress! We've got God, I mean the Enemy, on the run, or at least jogging up a sweat. With the help of a few gullible complainers, we've turned America's freedom of religion into freedom from religion. Let the Enemy's meek minions hide in their churches; we've taken the public square, and they're too polite to fight back.
Devil: You've successfully turned tolerance into politically correct acceptance.
Wormwood: Of course, all thanks to you for your long-term efforts to mentor me in the art of temptation and manipulation. It's working. Sin is winning. Envy is in. It's all love and no repentance. God is passé, and big government is the benevolent savior providing all the entitlements votes can buy.
Devil: I must congratulate you. This growing faith in government as the answer to all man's woes is a stroke of genius. They used to be praying to the Enemy for guidance and wisdom. Now, they just demand more from their representatives. Why help your neighbor when the government will do it for you on someone else's dime!
Wormwood: Dime! Ha! We're talking big dollars here! The debt they're passing on to their children is staggering. We've made so much progress in the envy and greed department, that no one has trouble with trillions of dollars in debt. Give me now and let others pay up later!
Devil: How you've managed to get the masses to hate the producers for their "greed" is a real tribute to your advanced "blame game" training.
Wormwood: Yes, when in pain find someone to blame. When you can't make ends meet, it's easy to blame those evil rich people who obviously must have cheated to be so successful. Now, it helps when you have a president who plays into your plan. Every time he says, "They don't pay their fair share," I leap and laugh with joy. He's doing everything he can to destroy the very work ethic that made America great. This presidential dependence pusher has increased the number of Americans hooked on their next government fix by 23% in just three years! Instead of using the gifts the Enemy has given them, they're waiting for their next "gift" from Washington!
Devil: They not only don't believe in the Enemy; they don't believe in themselves. Those free government goodies are enslaving their souls.
Newsbusted: Planned Parenthood, Cecil the Lion, Hillary Clinton, Jim Gilmore, Christ Mathews, Debbie Wasserman Shultz