Debbie Does Malice

Dear Deb,

Thanks for taking the time to write me from your personal email address, which I am including here (debocracy@sbcglobal.net) for interested readers of my column. I am responding below to each of the three paragraphs of your brief email:

I am extremely concerned about the hateful tone of pundits who make money from stirring up needless division and spreading misinformation.

Deb, it may surprise you but I agree. That is why I’ve stopped reading the New York Times and all of its local affiliates, including the Wilmington McTimes, here in Wilmington, North Carolina. I have also blocked access to The Daily Kos, The Huffington Post, and MSNBC.com on all of the computers in my home. I’m really trying to do my part. So far, I have no problem with anything you’ve written.

The hate-mongering and fear-spreading used by the Right to try to salvage its power has frightened perfectly normal members of my family into thinking that    the Obama presidency will bring us a totalitarian government.  If you are really a scholar, then you know that this is all hokum. 

Again, Deb, although I am a right-winger myself, I am in total agreement with you (except I doubt that every member of your family is “perfectly normal.”). The Obama presidency will not bring about a totalitarian government. The reason for this is pretty simple: The 46% of us who voted for John McCain are presently arming ourselves to the hilt.

Since I already have enough firearms to overthrow several Latin American governments, I’ve purchased five firearms and given them to friends and neighbors since it became apparent that McCain would not win the election. You did not ask me to but I’ve listed those five guns below as well as my reasons for giving them away:

Remington 870 12-guage. The kid next door had his 14th birthday so I gave him an 870 with a 26-inch barrel. I told his dad that every family needed one. I suggested he buy an 18-inch barrel for home defense. I like having an armed neighbor just next door (just in case I run out of ammunition). Generally, I keep about 12,000 rounds on hand but you can’t be too careful these days.

Glock 19. Just as the 870 is the best “family gun”, the mid-sized 9mm by Glock is the best “girl gun.” It has enough stopping power to castrate a potential rapist. But there’s not too much kick for the compact to medium-sized chick. I bought one for a girl I know who lives alone.