Kyle and Christina – casual acquaintances fresh out of college – are interviewing for the same job. It's a position each desperately wants and needs, so competition is intense.
While waiting in the lobby, Christina offers Kyle a bit of advice: "Kyle, when you sit down, the first thing you should do is tell Ms. Flumptard that you can't wait to work for such a smokin' hot boss; and be sure to mention that, while in college, you regularly used pot. Oh, and tell her that, from time-to-time, office supplies will make their way home with you. She'll appreciate your candor."
Kyle follows Christina's advice.
Kyle is: a) likely to get the gig because "flattery will get you everywhere"; b) to be admired for his courage and honesty; c) a liberal; d) a bumbling dolt; e) both c and d. (Bear with me. This is going somewhere.)
Now try this one:
Republicans and Democrats are applying for the same job. Leadership is something they both desperately want and need, so competition is intense. Tim Kaine, chairman of the Democratic National Committee has a bit of advice for his Republican counterparts. He suggests that, to succeed, Republicans should run "moderate" candidates, kick conservatives to the curb and offer voters "Democrat Lite" instead of Reagan Republicanism in 2010 (you know, kind of like in '08 with John McCain).
In a statement addressing the ouster of liberal Florida Republican Chairman Jim Greer, Kaine fretted aloud – genuinely, no doubt: "[T]he GOP's biggest liability this year will be its right wing that sees November's elections as an opportunity to purify the Party – at any cost."
Kaine warned that the "unrelenting drive towards a smaller, narrower Republican Party" would "cost the GOP dearly." (Thanks for the heads-up, Timmy. How thoughtful.) He further lamented that conservatives have begun a "quest to purify the Republican Party, eliminate moderate voices (read: liberal voices) and enact an extreme right-wing agenda (read: conservative agenda)."
Republicans should, therefore: a) follow Democrat Kaine's advice and drive the GOP further leftward; b) ignore Kaine altogether; c) do exactly the opposite of what this crocodile-teared partisan hack suggests, moving – post haste – to "purify the Republican Party, eliminate [liberal] voices and enact a [conservative] agenda."
If you answered "b" and "c," then Cornhusker Kickbacks to you.
Matt Barber is founder and editor-in chief of BarbWire.com. He is an author, columnist, cultural analyst and an attorney concentrating in constitutional law. Having retired as an undefeated heavyweight professional boxer, Matt has taken his fight from the ring to the culture war. (Follow Matt on Twitter: @jmattbarber).