James Allen

1. Borders: Let’s be honest, wars can be settled through diplomatic rational discussion. Foreign policy is just based on fear, and we all know neo-cons use that fear to get elected. If we just leave people alone, all the money saved on immigration reform and border security could subsidize more time off work to protest, and then Tibet can finally be free.

2. Night Time: During the day the world is full of color and diversity showing the unbridled accumulation of godless evolution and survival of the nicest. The night promotes and expresses the racist notion of everything being black and white. Nothing in this world is black and white, literally or metaphorically, except maybe people and pictures. It will be hard to accomplish the end of night time globally, and at times protesting into the night may be required, but we shouldn’t let the intolerant structure of the solar system hinder the abolishment of this dreary enemy of diversity and metaphorical friend of universal truth sayers.

3. Hispanic Republicans: Republicans are obviously racist. Everyone at the Huffington Post knows this, so once borders are protested and gone, all Latino and Hispanic Republicans can be rounded up and sent to Mexico. Once they are across the old lines of the once sovereign U.S.A. a wall along the border can be built, and strong foreign policy can be reestablished to keep these race traitors out.

4. Books: Books are the last area of non-static, non-changing old communication where people can gain historical perspective on ideas that are still present today, ideas that government cannot legislate. Books are dangerous, and people who read them are worse! People who read lead. It is not enough to just have major influence in public education, school boards, and curriculum anymore; books always have been, and will always be, the real enemy.

5. Urinals: Transgender bathrooms are an important step in the war on human nature, but now urinals must be removed. Urinals make a sexist assumption by assuming that all men on the outside are men on the inside. Urinals, while well intentioned in a less enlightened time, are now nothing more than reflective shaped pieces of porcelain that send a cruel message of insensitivity that the man staring into the urinal may in fact be a woman on the inside.

James Allen

James Allen is host of the James Allen Show, a political newstalk show that airs on KKNT and AM 970 The Apple.