Humberto Fontova

Castro and his groupies hail The Bay of Pigs as his crowning glory: “Imperialism’s First Defeat!” Never mind that Castro’s forces got one of the most inglorious stompings in modern military history.

Castro and his groupies hail Che Guevara as the chief icon of the Cuban Revolution and Cuba’s most dashing and masterful military man. Never mind that Che’s military exploits made Rufus T. Firefly’s defense of Freedonia look like Mc Auliffe’s of Bastogne.

So why do we never hear, see or read anything from the usual sources regarding Che Guevara at the Bay of Pigs, where he was actually wounded? Why did Soderbergh and del Toro’s recent Che movie, so closely-mentored by Castro’s very propaganda ministry, somehow "overlook” Che’s glorious role in the epic victory?

Because a historically accurate depiction of Che Guevara's military exploits (in general) and during the Bay of Pigs (in particular) would be impossible to direct and cast without the members of Monty Python's Flying Circus, who are getting up there in years. That’s why. To wit: The invasion plan for what came to be known as the Bay of Pigs included a CIA squad dispatching three rowboats off the coast of western Cuba (350 miles from the true invasion site) loaded with time-release roman candles, bottle rockets, mirrors and a tape recording of battle.

The wily Che immediately deciphered the imperialist scheme! That little feint three hundred miles away at the Bay of Pigs was a transparent ruse! The REAL invasion was coming here in Pinar Del Rio! (western Cuba.) So Che stormed over with several thousand troops dug in, locked, loaded and waited for the "Yankee/mercenary" attack. The Castroites braced themselves as the sparklers, smoke bombs mirrors, and tape recorded pops, bangs and whistles did their stuff just offshore.

Three days later the (literal) smoke and mirror show expended itself whereupon Che and his men marched back eastward, without having fired a shot.

Humberto Fontova

Humberto Fontova holds an M.A. in Latin American Studies from Tulane University and is the author of four books including his latest, The Longest Romance; The Mainstream Media and Fidel Castro. For more information and for video clips of his Television and college speaking appearances please visit