Frank J. Fleming

The first term of the Obama administration has been a complete failure -- a complete failure of Americans to deserve the great president they elected.

President Obama has done everything for you. He spent billions to create you dozens of new green jobs. He's given you amazing new health care laws. He even wore a flag pin a couple of times, though that had to disgust him. And his poor wife has done all she can to put up with the sight of your fat children waddling around everywhere. And yet you shout and shake your fat fists at him like _he's_ done something wrong. It reminds me of the end of that one _Twilight Zone_ episode where everyone screams when they see the beautiful woman, because they all have pig faces, and she's different from them. Well, Obama is the delicate beauty, and you're all the ugly, pig-faced idiots whose sight should repulse and terrify him.

Just look at the status of things. High unemployment. A sluggish economy teetering on the verge of another recession. A credit downgrade for our country. What a horrifying, stupid mess you've made of the past four years, you fat moron slobs.

When Obama took office, he handled everything with such brilliance that it was almost like he was a mystical being -- a regular faerie prince. When he saw what a horrible economy he inherited from you fool Americans, he sensibly spent hundreds of billions of dollars in stimulus money. And by his expert analysis, unemployment should have declined to just above 5% by now. So what happened? You globular, lazy, gun-clinging imbeciles didn't create the jobs you were supposed to!

Obama did the hard part of job creation: He made sure the roads and bridges were built. That's 90% of the work right there. All you nitwits had to do was remove your fat faces from your tubs of nacho cheese for a few minutes and create a few businesses along those roads. I mean, how hard could that be? It's something so simple, so elementary, that Obama has never bothered to do it, because it's so far beneath him -- it's like asking a chess champion to play Candyland. But you didn't make the jobs, and now you've totally ruined his plans. To add insult to injury, he has to listen to you incessantly mewl, "Where are the jobs?" And the kicker is that you don't even need jobs, because Obama was kind enough to give you more food stamps. You'd all be perfectly fine if you’d give up your weird fetish about working.

Frank J. Fleming

Political satirist Frank J. Fleming is the author of the HarperCollins e-books "How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome" and “Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything”. He also writes columns for the New York Post and PJ Media and posts at his blog He is the U.S.'s leading proponent of nuking the moon.