Doug Giles
According to House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, Obama is pretty adept at tossing temper tantrums. Yep, last Wednesday during the Debt Ceiling We’re All Screwed Talks, rumor has it that BHO threw a hissy fit and stormed out of the meeting because he wasn’t getting another trillion dollar squeaky toy. He’s a dandy, ain’t he?

Now, in all fairness, who can blame Barack for having a fit? This presidential crap is harder than it looks, folks. This stress can kick your keister!

No doubt before Obama stomped out of the wake-up call from hell meeting he was thinking:

1. My hair’s turning grey. I used to look like Tracy Morgan; now I look like Morgan Freeman.

2. Michelle’s still eating Shake Shack burgers, chuggin’ chocolate milkshakes and wearing lime green Capri pants … in public.

3. Bill Clinton has forever ruined it for me to get some on the side.

4. Biden’s nuttier than a squirrel turd.

5. I could be golfing today.

6. The homosexuals are hounding me to green-light their gay nuptials. They’re so gay. 7. I need a cigarette, and I can’t smoke in public.

8. My presidency is morphing into an abysmal failure.

9. I’m at war in Libya.

10. Everybody’s on to me.

11. According to Frank Luntz I’m polling badly with Malia and Sasha.

12. My socialistic policies are smashing the prospects for growth and whizzing on any vestiges of hope for the hurting, and …

13. The shelf life on my “blame Bush” default button has officially expired!

“To hell with this! I’m outta here!” And off he went. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.

I hear these types of outbursts are typical of metrosexuals, two-year-olds and drunken, over-tanned hobbits from Jersey Shore. I have also been informed that these untoward displays are a manifestation of a high-grade histrionic personality disorder.

In the spirit of trying to be positive, the upshot of Obama’s amazing outbursts is at least he’s good at something, eh? So, instead of judging him for acting like a petulant child we should rather seek to understand and control his tantrums while he deals with the brutal realities of his feckless economic policies and the fact that his mantra of hope and change turned into a frickin’ ball and chain for the American collective.

Here’s my advice for the lawmakers who have to interface with our oh-so-sensitive Demander in Chief. Since it would look weird for a grown man to receive a spanking for acting like a spoiled kid, I suggest the following to help manage his bellicose behavior.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.