Doug Giles

Many of my Christian brothers believe that the ubiquitous earthquakes, recent tsunamis, violent weather systems and the Middle East uprisings all equate to God getting really ticked and about to run the credits on this failed earth flick. For me, I’m not so certain about this being the end of times and that the Son of God is gearing up to go Ted Nugent on our nation. That was until now.

This past Friday I learned the shocking, apocalyptic news that convinced me that Jehovah is about to unleash the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse upon our nation, that something bad, really bad, is about to happen.

So, what gave me a fright that Jesus might jettison this great land unto the compost heap of failed civilizations, you ask? Was it my realization that there’s a death of faith abroad, or a degeneration of morals and contempt for traditional values, a collapse of culture, a paralysis of national will, and the fact that foreign, America-loathing invaders are not only unopposed but welcomed to our great land?! Nope, it wasn’t even that junk, but I sure just depressed myself.

The thing that made me think that our nation has sunk below an obese, pregnant Dachshund’s tits and has moved to the point of no return was that Snooki, head hooch of the Jersey Shore “reality show” (a show that eclipses its inanity with its vulgarity) got $32,000 for a speaking gig this past week at Rutgers University. 32k, Rutgers? And that would be, Jersey taxpayers, $32,000 from your wallet for college kids to hear this tart blather about bunkum, as the drachmas drummed up to remunerate this dame for services rendered came from Rutgers’ “mandatory student activity fee.”

Well, mom and dad (who are still worth their salt), you now can officially scratch Rutgers off the list of colleges to visit this summer with your high schooler. The kicker in this hellish scenario is that this over-tanned hobbit with the morals of a drunken alley cat and the brainpower of a hockey puck got two grand more than Nobel-winning author Toni Morrison will be getting for her commencement address at Rutgers U later this year. I’ve got two words for this misappropriation of funds: Revelation Eighteen.

Oh, by the way, Snooki advised the ogling undergrads at Rutgers to “study hard, but party harder.” Buh-bye $32,000. Bye-bye.

Snooki, JWoww, and their Guido co-stars are disgusting human train wrecks, veritable carnies in a Cirque de Hades 2.0. These miscreants should be pitied, prayed for and ignored, as they are the worst our country has to offer via TV. The sad fact of the matter is that stacks of tweens watch this crap and take notes while pathetic parents stand by and … blink.

Here are my predictions for the Shore crowd:

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.