Doug Giles

As our nation settles solidly into the vise of a rank recession with a tax and spend president and cabinet that are morally vacuous and weak on national defense, more and more non-Kool Aid drinking folks are starting to shvitz like a hooker in church.

When I get antsy I look to my sustaining roots and three things that have never let me down, namely God, guns and gumption.


I like God. For clarification purposes, when I say God, I mean the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Yeah . . . them. Of the Holy Trinity, Jesus, in today’s environment of Puss-in-Boots political correctness, is the Simon Cowell of this trio (i.e. He gets booed more than the other two). Our sassy, secularized society hates just the mention of His name. Ah, poor bebe poquito.

At present the PC punks, the libtards, the socialists, the atheists (yawn), and the wanks that make up Hollywood don’t like it if you like Christ and take a stand on His word. Especially Sean Penn. He gets real pissy if you truly believe and will furrow his brow and lecture you about how biblical values are hurting your grandchildren. I know, scary, eh?

Anyway, I know it’s not cool to like God and His word, but I still like Him. This is good for me, seeing that He can arrange my death and where my soul will take its eternal siesta. Not only is it good for me seeing that God sorts out the affairs of the afterlife, but unlike the deists’ deity I believe He’s busy jacking with us mortals, and presently He’s shaking everything that can be shaken. Therefore, I wanna be on His team. Call me goofy.

Unless you’re high, dumb, or a multimillionaire who’s stashed most of your cash and gold in a hollowed-out volcano on your private island, you’re presently feeling the shake and bake. Typically, when people freak they look to someone or something to calm their nerves.

Socialists look to the big-breasted government for solace and some scraps—even though they’ll lose liberties and their lives will still suck like a car wash vacuum.

Atheists, if they’re true to their “faith” in times of crisis, look to man. Which man, I do not know. Maybe Christopher Hitchens or Queequeg.

When faced with life’s anxieties, Curly would look to the calming effects of cheese.

As for me and my house, I’m hanging my hat on Yahweh. Yep, superstitious, silly, anachronistic, un-evolved and crippled little old me is going to look to the Rock that is higher than I for help. Why? Well, I believe heaven provides and protects in the direst of straits.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.