It’s Christmas, and in the spirit of the season I’m inclined to avoid writing a column with my usual snarky tone. But what topic to choose? What will I be able to write 700-800 words about without mocking? Frankly, I’m not really sure.
I could look back over the week, find a news story and write about it. But that option won’t work because Republicans were out maneuvered on what is seen as their signature issue, tax cuts, by a President who would love to tax taxes in some sort of general benefits tax. And if I wrote about that I’d also have to gloss over Republican Leader in the Senate Mitch McConnell’s stabbing in the back of House conservatives in a rush to sell out. That wouldn’t be in keeping with the spirit of the season, so pass.
I thought about writing a column on how Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum AND Rick Perry all failed to submit enough signatures to qualify for the Virginia “Super Tuesday” primary in March. But that would require the suspension of disbelief to believe any of them will still be in the race in March, which isn’t very nice. True, but not nice.
I could write about Mitt Romney not ruling out a VAT “as a replacement for some part of the tax code,” but that would require me to point out how he is candidate wrapped in bubble wrap, insulating himself from challenging questions. Again, that would be mean and not in keeping with my desire to vote for a bag of empty pistachio shells over President Obama next November.
I could write about Donald Trump leaving the Republican Party and flirting with a 3rd party run for President, but that would violate my policy of avoiding writing about mop-haired shameless self-promoters who can’t pronounce the letter “H” in the word “huge.” It’s a very specific policy that hasn’t really come into play until the last few years, but it’s a policy nonetheless.
Then there was Ron Paul’s old newsletters and the mystery surrounding not only who wrote the racist, anti-Semitic diatribes in them, but his success thus far in avoiding all responsibility and serious media scrutiny over them with a simple, “I don’t know” answer. Writing about someone seeking a leadership position with a “The buck never got here” policy was done to death during the Clinton Administration, no need to revisit that here.
The death of über-jackass Kim Jong-Il was another possibility, but that’s been done to death – literally and thankfully.