The FedEx delivery truck pulled up in front of this columnist's home over the Memorial Day weekend carrying a large heavy box that had to be turned sideways to fit through the front door.

I felt like "Mr. Parker" (the role personified by actor Darren McGavin in the 1983 film "A Christmas Story") when the large crate arrived at his house holding the infamous woman's-leg lamp sporting fishnet stockings.

Like the movie character, I tore into the box, anxiously tossing aside several layers of bubble wrap. Whatever it was, it was made of thick aluminum and it was big — as large as a suitcase. It had a handle and latches that, when opened, cause the entire ... well, whatchamajigger ... to unfold into an — er, mass of confusion.

"Property of Supervisor of Elections Palm Beach County Florida," the worn sticker on the outside of the contraption read. "Assembly Instructions Enclosed."

I start at the beginning.

"In front of you is an actual Votomatic voting machine used in Palm Beach County Florida during the 2000 presidential election," it begins.

As instructed, I placed the "suitcase" on the ground, opening both latches and then the lid. I next removed the aluminum poles from the underside of the top cover of the machine, in doing so unleashing hundreds of tiny "chads" that fell like confetti to the floor.

I assembled the poles (each pole is a leg made of two pieces), closed the lid and resecured the latches. Turning the thing over, I placed the four aluminum poles into the holes on the underside. Next, I carefully lifted the machine by its handle and flipped it over, opening the latches once again and raising the lid. I lifted the beige side flaps, slowly inserting the lid into the catches. Finally, I plugged the cord into an electrical socket.

Presto! Before I knew it, I had set up a Florida voting machine — a Palm Beach County polling station, folks — in my living room. In fact, it came equipped with three dozen now-worthless ballots from the Nov. 7, 2000, election in Palm Beach County.

"Voting Instructions. Step 1: Using both hands, insert the ballot card all the way into the vote recorder. Step 2: Be sure the two slots in the end of your card fit down over the two red pins. Step 3: To vote, hold the voting instrument straight up. Punch straight down through the ballot card for the candidates or issues of your choice. Do not use pen or pencil. Step 4: Vote appropriate pages. Legal time limit for voting is 5 minutes. Important notice to voters: be sure all holes are cleanly punched. Pull off any partially punched 'chips' that might be hanging."

Chips? I thought they were chads? Anyway, just for fun, I punch my hole for Al Gore.

The voting machine, I'm told in writing, is mine to keep (and hopefully to peddle on eBay). It was sent by HBO in advance of its film "Recount," which premiered Sunday night and examines the process that culminated in the U.S. Supreme Court decision in Bush v. Gore.

'King him' Continued...