But it gets worse. When did atheists start proselytizing with the ineptness of a third-tier televangelist?

In the United States, campaigns by atheists subject us to varying degrees of corniness, for example, "Evolve beyond faith" and "Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness' sake." In England, there are buses that carry this atheistic slogan: "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." (Hmm " probably "?)

Please keep worrying. If God keeps you off my lawn, who am I to dissuade you?

Now, I may possess the same level of conviction that a believer enjoys. After all, I was imparted tremendous knowledge by the numerous tracts of atheistic faith that litter the national best-seller lists. And I've noticed that any skepticism about non-belief is met with rigidity and disdain from fellow "freethinkers" -- a word that suggests that 95 percent of Americans are idiotic non-thinkers.

The vast majority of Americans do believe in God. A poll by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life last year found that 71 percent of adults are absolutely certain that God (or something similar) exists. Another 17 percent claim they are fairly certain. Only 5 percent are nonbelievers.

Yet even with all these saps, no one ever has forced me to bow or to give penance. I never have been forced to join any religious group. So the last thing I want is a group of atheists speaking -- and suing -- in my name.

For now, I guess, I'll have to call myself a "nontheist" -- at least until a Nontheist Citizens Political Action Committee is formed.