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Tipsheet

How Karine Jean-Pierre Accidentally Created a Drinking Game Over Cocainegate

AP Photo/Susan Walsh

Cocaine got discovered in the White House, and no one knows who it belongs to because our Secret Service is powerless. The Suffolk County Police in New York arrested a suspect in the Long Island serial killings, and hundreds got rounded up after the January 6 riot. Still, a cocaine bag’s owner has blinded all investigative methods from federal officials. The Secret Service narrowed the suspect list to 500 people, but a person of interest proved indeterminable. I’d instead drug test everyone; traces of cocaine can remain in one’s hair for months. But the Biden White House took the investigation’s findings at face value. They’re trying to move on, but everything about this fiasco stinks. 

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Take White House Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre (aka Grey Poupon), who, less than three weeks ago, exhibited confidence that the Secret Service would get to the bottom of who turned the president’s residence into a cocaine hut. Now, she’s confident that the investigation was thorough and will leave it at that. The number of times she uttered “thorough investigation” this week could have turned into a drinking game; one guaranteed to send you to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

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Back to cocainegate, the lack of a suspect remains a “preposterous” conclusion that no one believes (via NY Post): 

Of all the excuses offered by the Secret Service to explain why it shut down the White House cocaine investigation last week after just 11 days, one jumped out as particularly ridiculous. 

It couldn’t conduct interviews of potential cokeheads known to be in the vicinity of where the bag of drugs was found because it didn’t want to infringe on their civil rights, Secret Service spokesman Anthony Guglielmi told NBC. 

“We have no evidence to approach them,” he said of 500 possible suspects identified in the area on the holiday weekend before July 4. 

Hah! Tell that to the hundreds of people rounded up by the FBI for just being in the vicinity of the Capitol on January 6, 2021. 

Sorry, nobody believes that the Biden administration cares about safeguarding civil liberties unless it’s part of a cover-up. 

[…] 

“They didn’t find anyone because they didn’t want to find anyone,” says former NYPD Commissioner Bernie Kerik after the Secret Service declared that its joint investigation with the FBI had proved fruitless. 

[…] 

“So, whoever had the cocaine, they wore gloves? I doubt it,” scoffs Kerik. “And the fact they have changed the location three times makes it evident they are trying to conceal and suppress where it was actually found.” 

Even more astonishing is that, in a complex bristling with security cameras, the Secret Service said no surveillance video footage exists because the baggie was located in a “blind spot.” 

“I don’t care if it was a six-foot blind spot,” says Kerik. “I can tell you who walked into it and who walked out of it. The whole blind spot argument is bogus.” 

Cocaine in the White House? Buried to be one of history’s supposed mysteries

He claims the Secret Service knows exactly whose cocaine it is. 

“They don’t miss anything. They know their job. They are very systematic, very organized, very thorough,” he said, adding, “The whole thing is preposterous. It’s really an insult to the men and women in the Secret Service and the FBI for them to say they can’t identify where the cocaine came from.”

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This embarrassing incident led to jokes that it belonged to Hunter Biden, a development that wouldn’t be shocking if that hit the wires.

What is true and has probably added to the cover-up talk is that the head of the Secret Service used to be on Joe Biden’s detail as vice president.

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