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10) "Top Chef premieres tonight on Bravo. But since it's in DC, the contestants don't actually cook, they just talk about what they are going to cook in the future." -Jimmy Fallon
9) "In an effort to reduce wasteful spending and eliminate non-vital federal services, the US government announced plans this week to cut it's long-standing senator program, a move it says will help save more than $300 billion each year." -The Onion
8) "Does the Euro recover, or does it keep on nose-diving? Because what I'd like to be able to do is go to Europe this summer and, with a roll of dimes, just buy something from the Louvre." -Stephen Colbert
7) "President Obama said the federal government can no longer spend taxpayers' money like it is Monopoly money. Especially since Monopoly money is now more valuable than the dollar." -Jimmy Fallon
6) "Well, the Senate voted to toughen standards for home loans. Under these new standards, lenders would have to verify that borrowers can repay the loan. Let's just hope China doesn't adopt this." -Jay Leno
5) "Greece's troubles threaten to spread to the rest of Europe. Over the weekend, fears of a total collapse caused the value of the Euro to plunge to $1.25. At this rate, the average European won't be able to go anywhere during their annual 15 weeks of vacation." -Stephen Colbert
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4) It's fitting that April 14th is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them." -Craig Ferguson
3) "Here is a story that is kind of perplexing: 221 years ago, George Washington went to the library here in New York, took out some books, never returned them. 221 years of overdue library fines. I tell you something, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to blame this economic crisis on a president, what about that guy?" -David Letterman
2) "And the other reason the market may have plunged were the Greek riots. Really, Greece, you have to get it together. You're in crippling debt, and you don't want to make spending cuts? Really? Where do you think your money is going to come from? Royalties for inventing civilization?" -Seth Meyers
1) "Congress is getting ready to pass another jobs bill, which means they don't create any jobs, we just get the bill." -Jay Leno
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