Mother Nature Is Out to Get Me

I’ve learned the hard way that Mother Nature is anything but weak and feeble.

I bought a house in the country a little over 30 years ago — a total fixer-upper. An old couple had lived there — hoarders — and the place was a mess.

But that didn’t trouble me. I was full of energy. I had big improvement plans. Then I learned how ruthless Mother Nature really is.

I first discovered this when I tore off an old porch enclosure. When I began peeling the siding off, I was attacked by hornets and wasps — I eventually uncovered 80 nests! — which sent me swatting, jumping and cussing throughout my yard.

When the first summer arrived, I decided to build a planter in front of my house. I tore out some old shrubs and jagger bushes and came across a nest of ground bees. Ground bees become very angry when they are disturbed.

The nasty little buggers stung me a half-dozen times.

Following advice from a neighbor, I poured gasoline into the nest. I set the canister on the ground, four feet away. I lit a match, but before I could throw it into the nest, I heard Wooooooooooof!

You see, “woof” is the sound gasoline makes when it ignites. It ignites because gasoline gives off fumes and fumes — I tend to learn things the hard way — are flammable!

Suddenly, an 8-foot flame shot out of the bee’s nest — right up the side of my newly painted house! To my right, I noticed the gas can — filled with 2½ gallons of premium — was on fire.

Thinking quickly, I picked up the canister and ran down my driveway, cussing. I launched the Molotov cocktail into the air. It exploded into a fireball. I raced for the hose and barely managed to douse both fires before I burned down the neighborhood.

I moved to Washington, D.C., in 1998 and rented out my house for many years before moving back to finish off all renovation projects.

Last week I was putting my tractor away in the shed after dark when I got stung a dozen times by hornets I didn’t see, which, I now know, live in a large nest.

Thanks to my forever war with stinging insects, I chuckle when I hear environmentalists describe Mother Nature as feeble and weak.

As author Michael Crichton argued, the Earth should not be viewed as a fragile system that humans can easily destroy. He emphasized that natural systems are complex, dynamic and shaped by forces far beyond human control.

He pointed out that Earth has endured mass extinctions, major climate shifts, volcanic events, asteroid impacts and other immense geological changes throughout its history — yet it survived.

Scientist Bjørn Lomborg says that climate change and pollution are real issues, but he argues that some warnings and policy responses are sometimes exaggerated in ways that can lead to panic rather than practical solutions.

Lomborg says that nature is remarkably resilient — forests regrow after wildfires, wildlife has returned to areas around Chernobyl and coral reefs have shown signs of recovery in some locations. He argues that innovation, adaptation and economic growth should be central parts of addressing environmental challenges, alongside responsible stewardship.

I agree we should all be good stewards of Mother Nature’s beauty and preserve her resources.

Just remember that Mother Nature will flood your basement, infest your walls, sting your backside and burn down your house — then go on about her day like nothing happened.

If that sounds fragile to you, I’ve got a hornet’s nest the size of an Airbnb you can borrow.