Today’s culture has effectively locked men out of the abortion discussion entirely. They are shut down nearly every time they attempt to have a voice in the conversation. But they need to be included because they are hurting too.
After the law in Texas, the Texas Heartbeat Act, that bans abortion after cardiac activity is detected in the developing fetus went into effect on September 1st, Jen Psaki, White House Press Secretary had a press conference. She was asked by a male reporter from EWTN why President Biden supports abortion when his Catholic faith teaches the procedure is a grave evil.
She replied: "He believes...it's a women's right. It's a woman's body & it's her choice... I know you've never faced those choices, nor have you ever been pregnant. But for women out there who have faced those choices, this is an incredibly difficult thing."
It is our culture's perception that men are the perpetrators and aren't hurting. In consumer research conducted by Support After Abortion, 48% of men surveyed who had an abortion experience shared they didn't have a voice. Additionally, 71% of men shared that have experienced an adverse effect from abortion.
I host a podcast under Support After Abortion for men who have been hurt by abortion. I talk to men who have experienced an abortion decision as well as licensed clinicians who help men work through the healing process after an abortion. One of the clinicians works with men who have experienced trauma and are dealing with addiction, anger, and relationship challenges. He has found that about 40 percent of the men who come to him for help with an addiction have also experienced a past abortion.
Men experience the pain of abortion in vastly different ways than women as well. They often associate abortion with lost fatherhood and missing out on all of the things they would have done with their child. Rapper Flipsyde released his song, “Happy Birthday” in 2009 with an accompanying video on YouTube. The lyrics are heartwrenching as he talks about the pain and regret of the child he lost to abortion and all the things he won’t get to do with him. There are empty swings and hand-drawn cards from the child he never had. The current views on this video top 13 million. Men are hurting from abortion and our culture needs to acknowledge this and use resources wisely to help men heal from this trauma.
The BBC surprisingly wrote a story not long ago about how men hurt after abortion. They interviewed men who had experienced abortion, some of them decades ago, who still bear shame and guilt around the decision. Their experiences and emotions tracks exactly along the lines of what we have seen at Support After Abortion. One man in the story said"Men are meant to be protectors, so there is a sense of failure - failing to protect the mother and the unborn child, failing to be responsible." Another said, "I didn't know how I was going to survive; I wasn't going to jump off a bridge, but I probably would have drank myself to death."
These sentiments are very common amongst men who have experienced an abortion decision. Psaki took her talking points from modern day culture, which refuses to acknowledge that men are hurting also. We need to recognize this subset of the population because men deserve better than abortion and deserve healing, just as women who have experienced abortion do.
Nathan Misirian is host of the podcast, Support After Abortion, and organizer of the Unraveling the Roots of Men’s Trauma conference, which will take place on October 16, 2021.
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