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De Pasquale’s Dozen with Comedian Stephen Kruiser

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
During Johnny Carson’s reign on late night television, one of the greatest honors for a comedian was getting Carson to laugh. In the Twitter world, it’s getting a retweet from Stephen Kruiser.

Kruiser has appeared on A&E’s “An Evening at the Improv” and “Comedy on the Road” and Fox News Channel’s “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld” and “Strategy Room.” He’s done stand-up at dozens of clubs across the country, including The Laugh Factory in Hollywood and the Gotham Comedy Club in New York. As a proud supporter of the U.S. military, in 2010 he traveled more than 50,000 miles entertaining the troops.

In addition to his stand-up career, Kruiser hosts “Kruiser Control” on PJTV.com every Friday. The show is described as “a free-for-all romp through the week's most popular, obscure and occasionally, disturbing video clips as processed through the non-linear filter of Stephen Kruiser's brain.”

Kruiser is active in the conservative cause as a writer for FreedomWorks and speaker at many conservative events, including BlogCon and July’s FreePAC in Dallas. He was also one of the original organizers of the Los Angeles tea party.

This past weekend on the season premiere of “Saturday Night Live,” writers rewrote history in their opening sketch by making Romney over as a Biden-like buffoon. The real life moment of when Biden asked a man in a wheelchair to stand up was written as Romney asking a man with no arms to high-five him. If only there was a person in power with Biden-like gaffes that SNL could lampoon! While some comedians and SNL writers put ideology over truth and political correctness over entertainment, Kruiser adheres to the only rule in comedy: make ‘em laugh.

1. If there were a television channel that showed only one movie over and over, what movie should it be?


2. What’s one of your favorite movie quotes?

"If I say it's safe to surf this beach Captain, it's safe to surf this beach!"

3. In A Clockwork Orange, Malcolm McDowell is strapped in with his eyes propped open and forced to watch images until he was "cured." If you could give President Obama, Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Leader Harry Reid the "Clockwork Orange treatment," what movie would you make them watch?

Waterworld (Director's Cut). Worse torture than waterboarding.

4. What pop culture souvenir do you own that people would be surprised to learn that you cherish?

A cell phone pic of Jessica Biel's butt. She was drunk with some friends at a comedy gig I was doing in Manhattan one night & hung around with us for a while after the show. Everyone was taking pics. I said, "Hey, Jess, I'm gonna take a pic of your [butt], ok?" Under the influence of vodka, she consented.

5. What's your current “guilty pleasure” non-news television show?

Anything with a Kardashian sister in it. Even have the Kardashian app on my phone.

6. What’s the best present you ever received as a child? Hot Wheels Super 8 race track. It's the only Christmas present from my childhood that I still think about.

7. What was the first rock concert you ever attended and where did you sit and who went with you?

I refuse to answer on the grounds that people who can do math may be able to determine my age. I did get a bloody, painful knee injury at an AC/DC concert once though. Have no recollection of how it happened.

8. What advice do you remember your mother or father giving you? Did you take it?

My mom once said, "Every time you hear them say 'The Government' is paying for something substitute 'I'm paying'." Yes, I took it.

9. If Republicans and Democrats had theme songs for 2012 what would they be?

GOP: "Touch Too Much" Dems: "Call Me Maybe"

10. Many have said that Washington D.C. is like Hollywood for ugly people. How do you think D.C. is like Hollywood? How is it different?

Having been involved in both politics and the entertainment industry my whole adult life, I've always thought the analogy was valid. The egos are out of control in both. The back-stabbing is rampant. People who have few discernible skills beyond self promotion can rise to great heights. The only major difference (other than the ugly people thing, of course) is that people you wish would be one hit wonders can often stay in Washington for decades. Oh, and tan lines. There are more of them in Hollywood. And they're on people you want to see them on.

11. What is your favorite home-cooked meal?

I miss my grandmother's pierogi. At Casa Kruiser, my daughter (who gets the biggest vote) loves it when I just make whole wheat pasta w/ olive oil, broccoli and tons of garlic. We also love to make homemade pesto together. We're garlic freaks. #KruiserKid will walk into the kitchen when I'm chopping it, grab a bunch and eat it raw.

12. Tell me about the moment you decided to enter the political arena.

I was in the College Republicans at the University of Arizona. I'd always been politically aware (and conservative), even as a kid, and it just seemed like the right thing to do. There was no seminal moment, however. I began volunteering for campaigns shortly after that.

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