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Another Christmas Classic for Ted Cruz

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

If you missed Ted Cruz’s commercial about his imaginary new book Cruz Christmas Classics, you really need to watch it. It ran this weekend during Saturday Night Live.


The commercial serves as a great symbol of Ted Cruz’s amendment to the Gang of Eight’s amnesty bill. Both the commercial and Cruz’s amendment are obvious parodies. They use a sense of humor to ridicule the shameless hypocrisy of Cruz’s political adversaries. However, with Cruz’s amendment, the humor was caustic -- not jovial like the jokes in the commercial.

Nevertheless, in the spirit of Ted’s imaginary book, I thought I’d try to write my own Christmas classic that gets right to the point of Marco Rubio’s bogus assertion that Cruz supported legal status for illegal aliens.

I titled my story, How the Grinch Named Marco Lied Before Christmas:

Every conservative in America likes Ted Cruz a lot...

But the Grinch named Marco apparently DOES NOT!

Christmas is here. It’s time to be Merry.

But believing the Grinch is both foolish and scary!

Standing in Vegas, Marco sold out again.

He stood on the stage with a dubious grin.

He thought to himself as he piddled his notes,

“These voters are naive and some are just dopes!”

“I fooled them once; I can fool them again!”

“Lying about Ted Cruz might deliver a win.”

Never forget the Grinch’s inclination to lie.

Remember when he swore to be a Tea Party guy?

Sure Marco claimed to oppose amnesty once.


But John McCain and Chuck Schumer must have called him a DUNCE.

So amnesty he supported -- in fact still he does.

That’s not Ted Cruz’s record, but the Grinch wishes it was.

His betrayal on amnesty tarnished Marco’s good reputation.

Now, he’s lying about Ted Cruz in pure desperation.

Cruz for amnesty? The Grinch’s charge is untrue.

Cruz authored an amendment that was a satirical ruse.

Cruz mocked the Grinch; he ridiculed the Gang of Eight.

Cruz struggled not to laugh at his sharp amendment’s doomed fate.

Even Rush Limbaugh and Jeff Sessions agree.

As if they weren’t enough, so does Mike Lee.

Mark Levin too noted Marco’s Alinsky-like game.

The Grinch’s lies are more Republican shame.

Loyalty and trust are not qualities the Grinch can tout.

Unfortunately Marco behaves like an establishment lout.

Rubio, Schumer, McCain, and Graham?

The Gang of Eight peddled a scam, scam, scam!

Amnesty is not about some imaginary-legal-non-citizen status.

It’s about the Washington Cartel plotting to laugh at us.

Voting, citizenship, entitlements, and more.

Amnesty is everything undocumented Democrats could ask for.

How does the Grinch deal with all this?

He lies, lies, lies with an unflinching twist.


“Limbaugh, Levin, Sessions, and Lee?”

“Don’t listen to them. Listen to me!”

But when Marco last won, it wasn’t a win.

If you supported the Grinch before, don’t do it again.

He just skipped the vote on the Omnibus bill.

That’s Marco Rubio on Capitol Hill.

But Ted Cruz’s record is faithful and smart.

He’s done everything he promised right from the start.

Still the establishment continues to whine.

Nevertheless, it was the Gang of Eight -- not the Gang of Nine!

Cruz keeps fighting -- he holds the Constitution dear

so conservatives can celebrate Christmas with promise and cheer!

Before Rubio’s supporters claim I’m attacking their candidate, I’ll point out that I am merely stating the facts as they are. It only sounds like an attack because the facts are ugly. However, Marco Rubio is responsible for that. Be mad at your candidate, not me.

Rubio’s assertion about Cruz simply doesn’t make sense.

If Cruz’s amendment supported amnesty -- why didn’t the Gang of Eight support Cruz? Marco Rubio’s bill supported legal status. Cruz’s amendment did not.

Cruz’s amendment was more like a feigned surrender on his opposition to amnesty. You know -- an insincere compromise. Clearly, the Gang of Eight knew it.

Why didn’t the Gang of Eight hang “legal status” around Cruz’s neck when he extended it? It was a bold and taunting maneuver by Cruz. He gambled that the hypocrites would not take the bait. He says as much in the video to which establishment supporters are clinging.


Don’t believe your lying eyes. It’s right there in front of your face.

Furthermore, if Cruz was with the Gang of Eight on “legal status,” why would the Washington Cartel brand him divisive? He’d be a team player if he supported legal status. The cartel just wants it both ways. The real reason they despise Cruz is he most definitely is not one of them.

The truth is Cruz voted against amnesty, and Marco Rubio voted for it. Period.

As a result, Rubio is probably thinking bah humbug while Ted Cruz is thinking Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

If you still believe Ted Cruz actually supported legal status for illegal aliens at this point, you might want to order his imaginaryCruz Christmas Classics, too. Just remember, “if you’re not completely satisfied...you probably hate Christmas -- and America.”

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