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OPINION

How Can We Keep Living With These Damn Commies?

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Aaron Doster


We normal Americans share this continent – which I must acknowledge was stolen from the bucolic and loving indigenous folk who dwelled here before the Europeans came and conquered it fair and square – with a clique of malignant mediocrities who increasingly want us disarmed, disenfranchised and – to judge from the love I get on social media – deceased. Yet we are stuck here together on this continent with pinko people who seem intent on us doing the dirty work of feeding, fueling, and defending this nation while they kick back and complain to each other about how we are racist, sexist, and caught up in the gender binary as they sip cups of kombucha on one of their countless stress breaks from their semi-show job at Tech Corp in which they synergize impactful strategies.

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This living arrangement is becoming untenable – for them too, and they are taking action. If you look at the stats, the left has decided to approach the problem of free speech – specifically, us having it – with the innovative approach of banning free speech. Oh, they are not ashamed to tell you so – no hate speech, no racist speech, no climate denial, no pointing out that only men have weenies – just as 47% of them were not ashamed to tell a pollster recently that free speech should be legal “only under certain circumstances.” Naturally, those certain circumstances are when said free speech does not challenge their feelz or power.

Our North American roommates are terrible people. They excuse the rampant bribery of the family of President Please Get Out Of My Shower Daddy. They hate babies and want abortion until the age of consent, which they want to make three in order to indulge their vital pervert caucus. They empower criminals to terrorize those who cannot hide behind hired armed security and walls. They want to ship our cash (and probably us as well) to defend the borders of Ukraine while they throw our borders open. And most of them are funny looking, from Fetterogre to the femboy suburban socialists to the tired-looking Chardonnay wine women who will someday die alone in their locked condos and be eaten by their cats.

I don’t want to live here with these people any more, at least not any more than they want to live here with me. And make no mistake – they don’t want to live here with us. They would love nothing more to be rid of the nagging example we provide of men who are men and women who are women. The only reason that they have not tossed us out, besides a notable lack of body strength and the fact that the average one of us has a gun count about on par with their average young woman’s body count, is because if we left no one would be around to do the actual work, to pay the taxes, and to open pickle jars.

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I try to be optimistic, and I generally am, but inter-American conflict is growing. It’s becoming unresolvable. We refuse to live as serfs, and they refuse to stop sucking.

So what next? 

I have been writing about this for a decade, including in a bestselling series of conservative action novels that have dropped annually since 2016. In my Kelly Turnbull/People’s Republic series, America has split into red and blue countries and gunplay and other antics result. My books were inspired by the admonition of Andrew Breitbart to stop complaining about the lack of conservative pop culture and to go make some. Number 8 – Overlord – is now out and it is selling like gold bars at a Menendez family reunion. 

But sometimes families break up. There’s much to be said for a national divorce, but here’s the thing. Breaking up is hard to do. Think of the logistical challenges. Think of the financial, infrastructure and national security issues. And do you think our government could pull it off – even the red (Republican) types? Red America run by the GOP? I mean, sure, it’s better than the nationwide commie college campus that would be blue America, but our own party has hardly distinguished itself at the national level.

And who wants to live in the house of the spouse you just dumped? It would probably be nice to wall off the West Coast and leave the idiocy of Cali-Oreg-Ington to fester its way to its ultimate Venezuelan climax – of course, I and millions of other productive normal people will be so gone to Florida before that happens – but we will not be totally rid of the commies. They will be on the other side of the fence, as greedy and obnoxious as ever. It’s only a matter of time that the blue American denizens decide to start trying to come over to our side of the wall to cash in on our success, and you know that blue America is going to blame red America for every failure and fiasco its Marxist madness manufactures.

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But we have to do something, because at some point their constant pushing is going to be too much. If something does not change, us normals are inevitably going to channel Private Posey from “The Dirty Dozen” – which none of those sissies will have seen, itself reason enough to send them packing. We don’t like to be pushed either, but they aren’t Lee Marvin.

So what do we do, since we are not going to split up – probably? It’s a terrible idea, so clearly it’s not off the table. But there is another path. It will take some time, but time grinds on. 

I say we crush them.

Hear me out. 

This is a multi-step process. The first step is for all of us to understand what time it is. You still have the Nikki Haleys and Tim Scotts of the world who cannot or will not understand the apocalyptic nature of our struggle with these monsters. Once you realize that we are in this for at least our livelihoods and liberty, if not our lives, you understand that there can be no compromise, no acceptance, no shrugging our shoulders and saying, “Oh well, it was nice to be a citizen there for a while but now I will accept my lot as a subject cowering in my unheated apartment eating cricket chips and anesthetizing myself with Xanax and Hulu as I pray – to Gaia, the angry climate goddess – that no criminal breaks in because I am not allowed to have a gun.”

No, we need to get militant – for our rights, for our livelihood, for our future – and elect folks who will not allow long dead norms that the other side has long since abandoned to keep them from exercising their full power not just to resist the institutional Long March of the Frankfurt schoolboys, schoolgirls, and school non-binary two-spirits, but to actively roll-back these communists’ takeover of the commanding heights of American society. We need people who are not afraid to be “mean” – people who will lock up criminals, deport all illegal aliens, fire government flunkies, cut commie college conformity factories off without a dime, and tell the corporations, “You better choose whether you want us as friends or enemies, and I’ll know you made the wise choice when I see you ending your DEI crap and your donations to our enemies.”

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Power exists to be used. We must use it ruthlessly. They have been doing it. We need to start.

And time is on our side. We are breeding while they are receding. That 29-year old Tik Tok queen may slay singing the praises of her kid-free lifestyle, but the cons with the kids are raising the next generation of voters. Sure, the commies are trying to import most of the Second and Third World, but here’s the thing. Not a lot of these newcomers are going to be psyched to be told that their son needs to get his manhood snipped off to fit in. Hell, most of the current wave is Venezuelans who have had an experience with communists back home not unlike the Cubans. Have the pinkos thought through the possibility that they just invited in a based minority instead of one that will slavishly vote Dem?

We’re stronger and more fertile. All we need to do is stop taking their guff. No, we’re not splitting up our country. You bastards want us on our knees? Here’s our counter-offer. How about we keep everything and rule?

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America, as well as the newest volume in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, Overlord”  

Look, you need to keep up the fight by joining Townhall VIP right now. You get access to a bunch of great stuff, not the least of which is my extra Wednesday column, my weekly Stream of Kurtiousness videos every Friday, and the Unredacted podcast every Monday! Plus, some stuff from Larry O’Connor – and a bunch of other stuff.

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