The United States just lost an F-35 as part of its campaign to reduce itself from the greatest superpower in human history to a pitiful punchline. Ah, the magic of leftism – only it can make a great country like America ridiculous. From an inability to find its fighters to an unwillingness to defend its borders or prosecute criminals – with the exception of conservatives framed for the crime of conservativing – our country has become the Three Stooges without the dignity.
The first question that arises from the mystery jet is not what happened – we can safely assume it was some manner of gross incompetence – but what the plane’s pronouns were. We had the spectacle of the Marine Corps high command dragging itself away from one of its drag shows to ask regular folks if they could pretty please give the jarheads a hand finding their wayward fighter. They couldn’t even spin this fiasco effectively and brag about how their not being able to detect the $100 million aircraft just goes to show how darn good our stealth tech is. No, instead it was just exactly what it sounded like. We can’t keep track of our jets. The only ones happy about it had to be the Navy, since this was a welcome respite from the mockery it earned smashing its destroyers into other boats. Our Army – with its colonels running sex kennels – used to recruit with slogans like “Be All You Can Be,” and now it would probably be better off with “We Suck Less Than That Other Service That Lost The Jet.”
Over on Capitol Hill, where the People’s House that you get sent to jail for peopling inside is located, we have the Republican Charlie Browns once again teeing up to kick the football held by the Democrat Lucys. Yeah, this time will be different! The GOP has only had the better part of a year to get ready for this debt ceiling thing and to plot out a course of action to get some concessions. But have they? Ha! Why win when you can lose?
And on the Senate side, our minority leader keeps freezing up like a Windows blue screen as everyone explains how it is perfectly normal for McConnell to stand there rebooting every time someone puts a mic in his mug. And, of course, there’s Chumley the Congressman insisting that the august institution conform to his desire to dress like a guy playing $2 blackjack hands at Circus Circus on a Monday morning.
We have a president who sounds both like English is his second language and that he’s gotten into the cooking sherry. We have a vice president who, if not for fractured cliches and bizarre cackling, would not be speaking at all. Biden takes the short stairs to get up to the short bus, which is what Air Force One now is. Hey, at least they haven’t lost it. Yet.
Their administration just addressed high gas prices by banning domestic oil leases, perhaps part of an innovative strategy to make gas cheaper by making less of it. It just paid the Iranians $6 billion, which could never ever blowback on us. It has even managed to irritate a core Dem constituency – blue city scumbags – by throwing open the borders to every Third World transient who can pay off the cartel for a ticket north. And it has decided that the very best way to protect Our Democracy is to charge the alleged president’s number one political opponent with crimes that literally no one has ever charged anyone with before. The only good news is that he can’t turn the military on the normal people who are sick of this nonsense since, assuming they even find their planes, our new woke pilots can’t fly them because they are all dressed up like Ethel Merman.
We used to at least have some moral leverage with the rest of the planet, but that’s been squandered. It’s bad when you are being called “a banana republic” by literal banana republics. It’s pretty hard to explain to some potentate how the apparent hypocrisy of calling for democracy even as you lock up anyone on the other side attempting to participate in said democracy is not actually hypocrisy since Donald Trump is like Hitler, only a million times worse. Heck, just look at how mean those tweets are!
And the GOP primary is hardly a source of pride. We have Tim Scott bragging about how he has a hot girlfriend at another school. We have Mike Pence talking abut how we need to ban dancing no matter how much Kevin Bacon wants to boogie. And we have Chris Christie who’s just plain fat. What we need is a debate with Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis and maybe Nikki and/or Vivek, but instead we’ll have to waste time listening to Doofus Murgatroyd IV ramble on about his plan for redefining the paradigm for America because the Ronna set the debate criteria lower than the cut of Lauren Boebert’s “Beetlejuice the Musical” dress.
Oh yeah, that’s another atrocity. America now has “Beetlejuice the Musical.”
Is it too much to ask for everything not suck? It was not that long ago that we had the greatest country on earth. The only reason we might still hold that title is because foreigners somehow manage to be even worse. But foreigners are not our problem, at least not until they get to Juarez and walk over the border. Americans are the problem. Americans did this to America.
Here's the sad reality. The country you grew up loving is no longer a potent powerhouse. It’s a pitiful punchline, and this joke isn’t funny anymore.
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