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Weak Cons and Libs Can Clutch Their Pearls and Seethe

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
AP Photo/Andrew Harnik

"Oh, well I never…we're better than that…that's not who we are!" is the high-pitched battle cry of the loser Fredocons who brought us to this juncture. Modern conservatives, by necessity and through their Andrew Breitbart-inspired understanding of Alinsky tactics, are owning the libs hard with mean, tacky, and utterly hilarious stunts and memes that the bow-tied virgin contingent would never consider exploiting. Their goal is to lose with dignity. They'll get half their wish, and not the dignity half. 


You’ve seen it, and admit it – you chuckled. Conservative performance art is drawing attention to the facts and outrages that our Establishment toe-sucking regime media has declared narrative non grata. For example:

  • The internet and now even TV is awash in discussions of whatever the hell is growing out of slumlord scion/ogre John Fetterman’s neck. Tumor? Second head? What the hell? Clearly, this dude is a mutated mess.

  • Comedian Alex Stein is out there hassling Democrat Congresscreeps, notably asking Eric Swalwell about exactly what he and Chi Com spy Fang Fang put where during their cheesy relationship (Caution: NSFW clip).

  • Governor DeSantis is dropping off illegal aliens in Martha's Vineyard, sparking a mass freak out by the libs who have to now live with the consequences of their border inaction, while Governor Abbott one-ups him by dropping a bus load of the uninvited in front of Kamala Harris's house just days after she looked into the camera and said that the border is not open.

And oh, how they whined! Making fun of Fetterman’s health issues – but that’s mean! Sex jokes at the expense of blue-flaming sex joke Eric Swalwell – so immature! And it’s mean, mean I say, to "fling" these poor people around America just to make a point about the vicious hypocrisy of the sanctuary posers when the proper and moral course of action is to lure them into the clutches of cartel coyotes to make a deadly journey north to help create (falsely, as it turns out) a permanent Democrat supermajority! 


So many tears.

We shouldn’t stoop to using these tactics to get attention, they howl. We should debate, they say. Make reasoned arguments, they insist. Keep it classy, they whine. 

Ok, then where do we debate? Where’s this reasoned argument taking place? Is The NYT/WaPo going to get in there and make the case? Will ABC, CBS, or NBC turn a spotlight on Democrat disasters? Maybe they didn’t notice, but the memo has gone out on these issues and many others that hurt the left – shhhhhhh, mums the word. 

Here’s the hard truth – there is no debating, no reasoning, and no argument. You might think these things would be necessary for a functioning democracy – yeah, I know we’re a republic – and that having an ability to discuss important issues is important, and it is. But we don’t have those things. Not at all. What we have is a regime media that has ensured that we cannot discuss the issues that hurt Democrats. Take a moment to look at what the official, licensed journalists are and are not talking about. They are not talking about how John Fetterman is a brain-addled mutation. They are not talking about how a key House Intelligence Committee member got dived into a honey pot and got played by a hard 5 commie strumpet. They certainly are not talking about the wide-open border. The only thing they talk about is liberal wine women, obsessions like convenient baby-killing and Muh Insurrekshun.


We’re told that it’s mean to talk about a stroke victim, except he is a stroke victim and he is too mentally dysfunctional to function even in a Senate that contains Mazie Hirono. 

We’re told it’s mean to embarrass and humiliate Swalwell, to the extent the flatulent weirdo is not into that, over his alleged sex antics with an alleged Red Chinese bimbette. Except he’s a congressman who allegedly had sex antics with an alleged Red Chinese bimbette, and that’s not okay. No, they insist, the big issue is Trump keeping the nuke secrets and the NOC list in Melania's undies drawer.

We’re told it’s mean to take human beings and cart them around the country for political purposes. Well, there’s an easy way to avoid that – don’t break our laws and come here illegally. To the extent that it inconveniences people who should not be here at all, oh well. Go home. We have no greater obligation to respect their needs than they respected our laws. If you can’t deport them, dumping them on the libs' lawns is our consolation prize.

Too mean? Too bad. Time to check your watches to see what time it is, kids – and it’s not 2003 AD-o’clock. It’s 2022 AD and we’re in a war for the soul of our country. Stop fussing, fix bayonets and fight.

And this tactic has worked. Bigly. The enemy has been forced to deal with these issues. These issues are finally getting attention – lots of attention – thanks to not caring about your stupid propriety. 


So, once again you invertebrates – where does the high-minded policy discussion about these issues that you Toobin over happen? It doesn’t happen. It’s not going to happen.

And having been denied the ability to discuss these issues in a calm, deliberate, polite manner, that leaves us two options – 1) we can force the discussion to happen with outrageous stunts, or 2) we can shrug and give up and not discuss them at all.

I say we go for Option No. 1. The weakcons would go for Option No. 2 every time, which is why no one listens to them anymore. You only lose for so long and so consistently before it dawns on people that you are a loser. And we’re tired of losing. 

This is our country. This is our lives – literally, when you look at crime, incompetently fought wars, and the staggering 108,000 Americans killed by the fentanyl the Democrats have allowed to cross the border by refusing to enforce the democratically enacted laws against illegal immigration. If drawing attention to these issues requires us to work a little blue, too bad – tighten up, you simpering saps. This is not some theoretical policy discussion during a panel on the Lido Deck of the Forum for Liberty, Families, Eagles and Forums conservative cruise. This is about impoverished and dead Americans, and you prissy geeks can stuff your delicate sensibilities right where Fang Fang did. 

Conservatives Must Fight Back Against the Radical Left. Join Townhall VIP, Support Our Reporting, And Check Out Last Week's Stream of Kurtiousness, They Are Lying to You, and my podcast, Unredacted


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