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Virus Heroes and Zeros

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Mary Altaffer

Editor’s Note: did you know there is a special Kurt column on Wednesdays? A third per week! Sign up here to become a Townhall VIP member to get it. You'll also get exclusive access to his VIP podcast "Unredacted".


We’re probably at the end of the beginning of the great Chinese coronavirus insanity, and in not-to-long, we’ll be back to work, despite the people screaming that Trump wants to kill all the old people to please Wall Street fatcats because of course he does. We’ll also soon be assessing blame.

There’s lots of blame because there are a lot of stupid people and institutions who should be blamed. There are also heroes. I wrote about them the other day. But most of the people you recognize from the idiot box were zeros.

The list of zeros must begin with the media, as if that’s a shock. If you were expecting anything but garbage from our media, you have not been paying attention for, oh, the last half-century. Like its establishment masters, the press was freaking out because the Democrat candidates were a collection of mutants and nothing they threw at Donald Trump could stop him, not emoluments, not taxes, not chicks, not Russia, not Ukraine, not Upper Volta, nothing. And then…the Chinese flu. Yeah, that was it! Yeah, that would totally get Trump! Yeah, instead of dealing with the bogus impeachment, Trump should have been rebooting Contagion, though when he cut Bat-Soupland off from direct air travel the smart set called him “racist.”

Yeah. Uh huh. M’kay.

And when the virus got going, the media decided that it should provide critical information to help people cope with the crisis, information like the freshly-minted notion that identifying a virus by its place of origin is racist. That was super-helpful and not-at-all-frivolous nonsense. Oh, and blaming Trump because mental defectives decided to gobble fish tank cleaners – without mentioning the fish tank cleaner part.


Someday, an expert is going to write the definitive book on the modern American media. That expert will be a proctologist.

A big hero is Dr. Anthony Fauci for going everywhere and talking to everyone. Yeah, he’s a liberal in his personal life. He seems to like Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit for some reason but he does what you should do in his position and plays it straight. Where he disagrees with the president, he does it respectfully and without the spittle-spraying insanity of the Never Trump set, and where he thinks the president is right, Dr. Fauci says so. Sure, some conservatives are suspicious of him, and that’s no surprise. What is shocking is seeing someone not being a liberal hack. 

Nancy Pelosi is another huge zero. Boy, talk about stepping on your Ted Lieu. Her idea about tanking the relief bill and trying to force her liberal Kwanzaa shopping list of commie fetishes down America’s throat was a strategic blunder of incredible proportions. Nancy forgot that it’s not 1970, when she was 62 years old, anymore. Her media pals will try to cover for her but the gatekeepers got no gate no more to keep. The truth came out and she wilted under the heat. The Dems look like idiots.

China is a huge zero. Those of us who aren’t globalist hacks were already over it, but now it’s pretty clear even to the dummies who it was not already clear to that you can’t trust commies. They lie, they cheat, and for some reason, they eat weird stuff. We’re going to consciously uncouple ourselves from reliance on China, and hopefully take a good look at its citizens’ infiltration of our own institutions in terms of outright espionage and buying influence. Many of our alleged best n’ brightest have shifted into outright support of the ChiCom line. The Atlantic has sucked up to the Chinese so hard that if you read one of its Xi-fluffing features, a half-hour later you’re ready to read it again.


Trump is a hero, of course. He’s been calm and cool and out there every day so effectively that the lib media was demanding his press conferences not be shown live – hypocrisy, thy name is MSNBCNN. No one who is not insane or stupid or a social distancing lifestyle practitioner who scribbles for the Bulwank, to the extent that sad Venn diagram is not a single circle, blames Trump because the Chinese insist on munching on pangolins. 

And no one outside that set of losers thinks Trump chose not to wave his magic mask n’ ventilator wand and make them appear in Manhattan. His ratings are going up, and when he starts pushing to get America up and running again, the haters – who are already test-driving their “Trump wants to kill all your grannies because his hotels haz the vacancies!” memes – are going to find that most Americans want to get back to work. This lockdown stuff may play for a while, but its sell-by date is fast approaching and if they think Trump is going to get blamed for freeing people once the Great Curve Flattening starts, they are – as they usually are – wrong.

And Biden is not just a zero but a negative number. He’s like a -4. This is a disaster for the Dems. They have him locked away in Delaware occasionally doing weird vids that seem to channel the bizarre conspiracy radio shows you get at the far left of the dial while driving through Nebraska at midnight. The guy’s a mess and manifestly unable to perform the job they are putting him up for. The presumptive nominee is supposed to be the leader of the party, the big cheese, el numero uno, and he’s on an easy chair staring at his Matlock repeats. The only thing he could lead is a slow amble around the inside of shopping mall with the other crustaceans. 


This pandemic has made it painfully obvious that they need a replacement, and that replacement could well be a Democrat who did very well during this disaster, Andrew Cuomo. Fredo’s brother is liberal, and I’m not a fan, but he has been calm and capable during this chaos despite a few missteps. He presents as the anti-Biden – stable, not weird, and not gropey. Plus he has no stripper-poleing, Bolivian powder-huffing son with zillion dollar deals with the ChiComs to explain. So, basically, the hardest hit in this could be the Trump oppo guys who built up stacks of material on Senile Joe and may well see him replaced before the convention by New York’s governor.

Own the libs by scoring my action-packed conservative novel Collapse, and the three other entries in the best-selling series, People's Republic, Indian Country, and Wildfire! America is split into two parts, one conservative and one full of leftist losers, and there’s action-packed mockery of liberals. Get them all, and also check out my Townhall VIP podcast, “Unredacted” every Monday as well as my new Hugh Hewitt-affiliated Salem podcast, “Fighting Words”!

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