Opinion

Shhhhh…Just Let the Democrats Schiff Themselves

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Posted: Dec 23, 2019 12:01 AM
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Shhhhh…Just Let the Democrats Schiff Themselves

Source: AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes

Editor's Note: Did you know, on Wednesday mornings, there's a BONUS KURT column that he writes just for VIP members?

Military guys – and I am a graduate of the Army War College, which is not the one with noted expert on expertise Tom Nichols – try to abide by the apocryphal advice of Napoleon, who counseled that you should never interrupt your enemy while he is making a mistake. But this doesn’t apply to the Democrats because they are not only too dumb to listen to your warnings but their weird dogma actually makes it impossible for them to imagine that they are heading for disaster in 2020. So, I’m going to mock these losers mercilessly, safe in the knowledge that even though I am telling that anime lollipop-looking twerp Adam Schiff and Jerry the Oompa Loompa Nadler exactly what is going to happen, they are powerless to stop it.

Nancy Pelosi, who is no dummy, knows. She gets it. That’s why she’s not taking questions on her solemn, sad impeachment thing. She gets that she’s trapped by the Commie Caucus’s resolute determination to please their blue enclaves at the expense of alienating everyone else. So she’s trying to make it fade away. Yeah, hold onto that impeachment for a while. It’ll get better with age, just like Jennifer Rubin has. 

It’s fun to tell No Exit Nancy exactly what misery will befall her crummy party, and to know that she knows it’s all true, and that she also knows there’s not a damn thing she can do about it.

Remember how Colin Powell, back before he went all Never Trump and we stopped caring what he thought, went on TV and told Saddam Hussein exactly what the American military was going to do to his army? First, we were going to cut it off, then we were going to kill it. That was the ultimate power move (and I was over there when we made it happen). Well, Trump’s been doing that to the Dems lately. He’s been warning them they’re screwing up. He’s been telling them he’ll crush them in 2020. They won’t listen. They can’t listen. And so, they can’t get off the tracks before the Trump Train crushes them into pink pinko goo.

Let’s review some data points. Agonizingly painful data points for the Democrats.

There was this thing in the UK that occurred. You probably didn’t hear much about it in our garbage media because our media is garbage and it was busy talking about IMPEACHMENT RUSSIA EMOLUMENTS! See, the snooty UK smart set decided that the people were wrong when they voted for Brexit so it decided to obstruct the will of the people and, moreover, decided that the standard bearer for the ruling caste should be some wiggy commie weirdo. The normals poured out to vote and utterly humiliated their betters by electing, with a huge majority, the wacky outsider who promised to stand up to the liberal elite and do what the people demanded. 

Yeah, but who cares what happens in Great Britain? It means nothing. After all, it’s not like Britain and America share some sort of special relationship.

The Democrats’ lesson? Let’s keep ignoring what the people want done and make the face of our party some faculty lounge socialist like Big Chief Sitting Bolshevik.

Impeachment is super popular…in Brooklyn, Washington and Santa Monica. The savvy play is, of course, to run up the popular vote total in New York, D.C. and California because, of course, the popular vote picks the president. Just ask Her Highness Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit if you can catch her between hearty swigs of screw-top Trader Joe’s Chardonnay. But impeachment isn’t so popular in places like Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin. In fact, it’s downright unpopular. And extendo-impeachment games are not gonna help.

The Democrat’s lesson? Ignore these meaningless blotches on the map. Hell, Wisconsin doesn’t even actually exist. Just ask President Stumbles McMyturn.

The Democrats won the House back with fake moderate candidates in 30+ Trump-voting districts who ran on a platform of bipartisan pragmatism and promises not to be the gimps of Nancy Pelosi and the Squad.

The Democrat’s lesson? Bring out the gimps, and make the highlight of their first term voting to toss out the guy their constituents voted for because he wanted to find out why Lil’ Crackpipe Biden was scoring 50-large plus a month from some Ukrainian scumbag. And don’t let them get credit for passing anything their constituents actually want because that would necessarily give Trump some credit.

The IG investigation was bad for the Dems. John Durham’s will be exponentially worse, with the possibility that a number of MSNBC stalwarts will discover that orange is the new black.

The Democrat’s lesson? Insist that Comey being hauled away in cuffs is a complete vindication of the Russia lie.

In Florida, which seems to have some level of importance in the election calculus, for every voter the Democrats register, the Republicans are registering two.

The Democrat’s lesson? Call normal Americans “racist” more.

Trump has collected a $300 million war chest for 2020, and he has a year to go.

The Democrat’s lesson? Call normal Americans “racist” more.

The economy is on fire, with unemployment down and 401(k)s up.

The Democrat’s lesson? Call normal Americans “racist” more.

Here’s what the Democrats should do. They should get this impeachment idiocy behind them and never speak of it again. They should start pretending to be reasonable, especially on popular things like infrastructure and non-crazy health care reform, even if Trump gets some credit for them. And they should stop calling normal Americans “racist.”

But they can’t. They’re broken. Trump, the real estate mogul, owns the prime real estate inside their collective head, and he’s not paying rent. 

When you decide your opponent is evil, and that his supporters are likewise evil, you kind of limit your ability to pretend to be reasonable and compromise. You commit yourself to a fight to the death inside the Octagon. And that’s a fight that the data show they are not winning.

Hey Democrats, you are heading for disaster in 2020. You could prevent it. I just told you how. But you won’t. You can’t. And you get to spend the next 11 months knowing that next November Trump and the GOP are going to kick the Schiff out of you.

Speaking of humiliating failure, that’s what California is thanks to the Democrats, and my new novel Collapse rubs it in good and hard. It’s the pro-military, action-packed, yet cynically funny, sequel to People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire, set in the near future where liberal madness has split our country into awesome red states and hellish blue states. So yeah, it’s probably going to end up being nonfiction. Collapse is scary and fun, and Bill Kristol called the books “appalling,” so you know they’re good.