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Enjoy the Glorious 'Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself' Meme

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
New York State Sex Offender Registry via AP

Editors note: The following is Kurt Schlichter's regular column which he writes twice a week.  Kurt also writes a bonus column exclusive to VIP and VIP Gold members.  His premier VIP column is here.

It’s hard to miss the myriad of memes out there declaring that "Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself." A Navy SEAL busted it out on Fox like a boss. Even my dog Barkey got in on the craze. And this phenomenon should be encouraged because it demonstrates our healthy contempt for our garbage ruling class.


Now, did Jeffrey Epstein actually wack himself? Maybe, maybe not. On the self-off side, it’s not like the guy had a huge incentive to – pardon the expression – keep hanging around. But on the “Epstein didn’t kill himself” tip, there’s pretty compelling evidence. A noted pathologist thinks he was wacked. So do people who think that it’s super convenient that a dude with the 411 on the pervo peccadillos of so many mostly Democratic poohbahs just happened to check out before he could start talking. And it’s really weird the cameras went off just before he got perma-cancelled.

Plus, what about the guards? Are we supposed to believe government flunkies were utterly unable to perform their most basic task of making sure that their suicidally-inclined inmate didn’t stretch his neck on their watch? Well, I totally believe it. Let’s add “incompetence of federal workers” to the ledger in the “He Did Himself” column.

Remember, this is our federal government which, in the best possible interpretation of this event, failed so completely that its failure went beyond failure into an extra-dimensional realm of hyper mega-failure. And our garbage elite now wants to put it in charge of our health care. The same people who – again, best case – were unable to keep a guy in a concrete room with cameras on him from throttling himself with a blankey are now supposed to handle your doctoring.


Sounds like a plan. A plan conceived either by idiots, or by people whose sole concern is aggregating power regardless of how much of a nightmare it will be for us normals.

“Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself” is a healthy rejoinder to these twerps. It’s a way of demonstrating our wokeness to the corruption, the incompetence, and the staggering ineptitude of those who presume to posture themselves as our betters.

Jeffrey Epstein was part and parcel of our garbage elite.

Jeffrey Epstein was a pimp for our garbage elite.

Jeffrey Epstein was shamelessly covered for by the mainstream media/PR department of our garbage elite.

And Jeffrey Epstein died because of our garbage elite – either because it was incapable of performing its task of running our institutions at the most minimal level or because it outright murdered him. Sheesh, it’s unclear which scenario should disturb us more.

There was a time when we were supposed to defer to our betters. There was a time when we were supposed to respect them. There was a time when we were supposed to not believe they would totally commit felonies. Yeah, that’s not a thing anymore. We’re not blind and we are not stupid. We see.

We see that no one represented the American elite of the last couple of decades better than Jeffrey Epstein.

The secret handshakes with the big and powerful.

The causal disdain for the rules we all have to live under. 


The money gained gaming the system.

The power that comes from having friends in high places.

We’ve all heard the tales of his degeneracy, but his own perversions aside, perhaps the most disturbing thing is that after his first fake sentence for real abuses, elite society is all open arms for this creep. He does a year or so sort of in jailish on a sweetheart plea deal for molesting young girls, but once he’s done he’s welcomed back to the elite with a swank dinner party featuring Katie Couric, George Stephanopoulos, Chelsea Handler and (big shock) Woody Allen.

Think about that: “Sure, he’s a statutory rapist, but this is the can’t miss social event of the season!”

Oh, and there’s ABC

What the hell is wrong with these people? And, more to the point, who the hell picked these people to join our ruling caste?

“Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself” is a double-barreled middle finger to these people. And it’s long over due.

Now, it’s only a matter of time until we get the fussy pushback from the scolds who want to silence our dissent. “Joking about the death of a human being is never funny,” they’ll sniff. Except, as with everything else they say, they’re wrong. It’s hilarious. But hey – it’s nice to see they finally got outraged over Jeffrey Epstein.

Epstein was the elite’s poster boy, and facing forever in the stony lonesome, he had some potent incentive to spill the beans. And anyone who believes that the moral train wrecks who pose as our betters wouldn’t off him given the chance can text me anytime for some cheap tickets to the unicorn rodeo. The #EDKH meme is about rejecting the lies, the grifts, the presumption of those who believe themselves entitled to rule over us. Plus, it’s awesome.


Oh, and Epstein didn’t kill himself.

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In a few weeks, my fourth action-packed yet hilarious novel of America torn apart by liberal insanity, Collapse, is going to drop. If you liked People's Republic, Indian Country and/or Wildfire, then you’ll dig it. If not, you’re pretty much a Never Trump sissy like the one who called my books “appalling.” 

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