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My Simple, Effective Comprehensive Illegal Immigration Reform Plan: Go Home

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Daniel Ochoa de Olza

Get out, illegals. Go home. Or don’t go home – I don’t care where you go. You just can’t stay here in America.

This is my elegant, uncomplicated comprehensive immigration reform plan. If we did not invite you in – if you didn’t have the basic courtesy and respect for this country to ask to come here, then get out. And don’t come back – if you snuck into America, you don’t get to come back.


It’s simple and fair. The fair part is important, because it’s about time that our immigration laws be fair to the only people who should matter when we make our policies – American citizens. 

Yes, the goal of our immigration system should be one thing – to benefit American citizens. It may scandalize the elite to prioritize our own people, but that’s okay – in fact, I hope they run in 2020 on a platform of putting foreigners first.

In the meantime, the Big Bamboozle is coming back around again. It shows up every few years with a new name, but it’s always the same thing – a bogus promise to halt the illegal invasion facilitated by Democrats seeking replacement voters for you disobedient Normals and by Chamber of Commerce-types shilling for the big corporations that want an endless supply of pliable, obedient, and cheap labor.

It’s amnesty, and amnesty by any other name still stinks.

With more of the theoretical border getting erased by the day as tens of thousands of foreigners heed the call of the Democrats to march north (or overstay their visas), the Fredocons are sensing yet another opportunity to jam down their open borders agenda on an unwilling GOP base. They are already talking about trying to trick the Trump into signing on.

Why, we can’t just seal the damn border up, Mr. President. See, we need ‘comprehensive immigration reform’ to solve the problem that a big concrete wall would fix but we wouldn’t give you.


They say the real problem is millions of illegals on our soil living in the shadows. Of course, the problem is not a bunch of law-breaking foreigners on our soil having to live in the shadows. The problem is a bunch of law-breaking foreigners on our soil.

Nothing follows that period. 

Here’s our counter-offer. No amnesty, ever, no matter how much lipstick they put on it.

But what about those sadz-having illegals having to live with the consequences of their lawbreaking as they use stolen identities to stick around the States? Don’t we have a moral obligation to help them?


That illegals have to live in the shadows is at least something; it’s even better when they get dumped off in sanctuary cities and live in the shadows there. But what they should be doing is living in their homelands. You don’t get to come into our house without knocking and expect to take over the master bedroom. So, Normal Americans are distinctly disinterested in making it more comfortable for people who shouldn’t be here in the first place to be here. They should not be here. They should leave.

Get. Out.

Now, this may seem harsh if you, say, hate the idea of representative government. You see, that’s what that Scholastic Rock talking bill cartoon taught us back in the 70s that America had – that our representatives, elected by us citizens, made the laws and the executive enforced them. Sounds like a great idea. 


So, our representatives made a law that said foreigners who cruised into the country without permission had to be sent packing. Cool. The will of the citizenry in action. And yet, that’s not happening anymore. This is a problem because We The People are supposed to be ruling ourselves, and when our crummy elite decides “Nah, we’d prefer a different policy and, because we can’t actually pass a law to change the law, we’ll just not enforce the law you citizens enacted,” Americans no longer live in a republic.

We live in a dictatorship, a soft one, unlike the kind many of these illegals left, but a dictatorship. We have laws effectively being made by the elite without our consent. They’ve effectively repealed our immigration laws. And that is not okay.

Now, if our House and Senate passed a law letting intruders kick back and chill, and the President signed it, I would be very annoyed. Not voting in 2020 annoyed, if you’re listening GOP. My position is clear – no invitation, stay behind the velvet rope. I would grumble, and make the Republicans who collaborated pay at the polls, but if our citizens, through their elected representatives and the constitutional process, choose to do something I disagree with, then okay. Part of being in a free country is accepting when the citizens of your free country choose a policy you disagree with (of course, within the bounds of the Constitution – for example, no law to limit free speech or ban guns could ever be legitimate and you would have no moral duty to obey it). But you get the point.


However, the elite’s refusal to enforce the laws we made regarding immigration is more than just bad because it lets millions of people who shouldn’t be here come here and stay here. It is bad – very bad – because it creates the template for other policies we citizens have enacted to be effectively overridden by our garbage ruling class.

But merely not enforcing our existing laws is not enough; they want to pull an okey-doke on us with “comprehensive immigration reform” that means new laws that will let even more illegals in and even more stay. Donald Trump is going to be presented with a sucker’s smorgasbord (Which reminds me - deport all illegal Swedes) of proposals to “solve the border crisis,” none of which will actually solve the border crisis and all of which will result in more illegals being here – only legally. It’s all amnesty, and it’s all a scam. Remember how you should never let a good crisis go to waste? Well, they see this as a good crisis, and if a few tens of thousands of Americans have to OD on Fentanyl that’s a price they’re willing to pay to dilute us conservative voters and to enrich the corporate donor class.

It’s all lies, and we need to reject it. When it comes to immigration reform, there are only two things we should be talking about: Stopping the ones who aren’t here yet from coming in and throwing the ones who are here out. The answer to “comprehensive immigration reform” must be a comprehensive “Hell no!”


The Democrats want to permanently morph America into a nation of submissive peasants because you people are uppity and uncooperative. But that’s just not going to happen. As I show in my action-packed novels about the United States disunited into red and blue, People's RepublicIndian Country and Wildfire, the America they want is a nightmare. The America we can make great again will be a beacon of freedom. Which the Democrats are against. Just ask them.

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