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For Fussy Liberals, It’s Always Apocalypse Right Now

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Liberals are upset – they’re always upset – that the evil GOP of Hate has condemned America to a return to a marginally more progressive version of the nightmarish hellscape that was our country before Obamacare passed on March 21, 2010. Once again, the lifeless bodies of those who fail to buy themselves health insurance will be piled upon the sidewalks, left to be carted away as they were in the dark ages of the ‘90s and ‘00s – no doubt by industrious undocumented workers who should be paid a living wage for performing this job that Americans just won’t do. And the Republicans will sit by, watching through their monocles, giggling at this grim tableau of human misery until they grow bored and return to their regularly scheduled agenda of puppy torture and crushing the dreams of young women who want only break the glass ceiling and “be the very best me I can be.”


Or something.

Because, for Democrats trying to appeal to their Party’s base of unaccomplished coastal snobs and indolent, welfare-grifting morons, Armageddon is always just around the corner whenever conservatives do anything. Or whenever conservatives don’t do anything. It’s sort of, “heads you lose, tails you also lose, now give us more power and all your money.”

The GOP’s recent first baby steps toward the repeal of Obamacare set the liberals to rebooting their utterly predictable script. This isn’t just about some changes to how health insurance is sold. No, instead “House Republicans vote[d] to sentence millions of Americans to death.” Yeah, someone wrote that headline on purpose.

When in doubt, deploy the hyper-hyperbole. How many of us Americans will die because we are transitioning back to a slightly more liberal version of the healthcare system of seven years ago? All of us! But then, we’ll all die anyway even if we stay with Obamacare, but that’s not the point. There is no point – it’s all a lie and everyone except the very stupidest among us (who all vote Democrat anyway) knows it’s a lie, yet the Dems spew it anyway. This is about ginning up their base.

So, off we go to the Numbskull Olympics. Taking the gold for Freestyle Idiocy is California Democrat Senator Kamala Harris, who is incredibly stupid even for a California Democrat senator. She tweeted that 129 million people are going to lose their health insurance and presumably die. This is surprising, both because the 129 million figure is so insanely dumb that merely seeing that figure drops the reader’s IQ into freefall, and also because Kamala somehow managed to count past 10 without taking her shoes off.


Kamala also announced, without citation, that health care is “a right for all.” Those of us familiar with the Constitution are confused, since that document is entirely free of any such right, nor of any other right to force others to toil to provide you with things you want for free. What is in there are the rights to speak freely and petition, but Kamala discovered a footnote that says those enumerated rights don’t apply to citizens who dare doubt the other great Mystery Right, the penumbraed and emanated right to freely kill babies. And don’t bother asking about the Second Amendment either; sophisticated folk like Kamala aren’t restrained from indulging their limitless appetite for petty oppression by the express enumeration of rights.

Apocalyptic liberalism is the natural consequence of power-centered politics unmoored from principle. It’s not persuasion; it’s manipulation. After all, it’s hard to persuade people to just give you power and money simply because you covet them. So why allow yourself to be limited some phallocentric document of pallor like the Constitution, or by the results of the bourgeois process of drawing conclusions from facts and evidence, when you can wield raw emotion to compel your preferred result before the marks can actually think through the consequences?


For example, there’s the viral celebrity sob story. Jimmy Kimmel’s baby got sick but got better, so the same kind of people who made the VA a festival of success must take over your healthcare. Wait, what? A kid got sick – why do you hate sick kids? All kids are going to get sick and die because you reject single payer!

And we must call it “single payer health care” because the more accurate term, “taxpayer health care,” fails to adequately distract the listener from the reality. And only the Kamala-dumb think that they’ll see ever rich libs like Jimmy Kimmel sitting next to them in the endless lines waiting for the doc when DMV healthcare fires up.

The climate change scam is another classic dystopian distraction. No time to think! You must all immediately cede us power over you and give us all of your money or everyone is going to die die die!


Of course, one might think that the fact that the oceans didn’t swallow us in 2009 like Al Gore promised would be an inconvenient truth, but no. Your citation to observable data merely identifies you as a denier. Liberals sure freakin’ love their #science, but #hashtag #science methodology doesn’t involve objectively analyzing data, then refining or discarding the original theory when the evidence does not support it. #Science involves liberals shrieking until they either terrify or bore the normals into submission and the normals finally hand liberals their power and money. #Science isn’t a process – it’s a pose and a grift.


But, here’s the problem – you look really, really lame if you scream about how the end of the world is coming in just a few short years, then a few years later there’s no mushroom cloud at the end of the rainbow. The weird weather religion cultists can’t translate their jeremiads into actual legislation in large part because normal people expect that if there’s really global warming it will actually get hotter. Every froth-lipped paranoid who screamed that we have just five years left back in 2007 has to contend with the troublesome fact that we haven’t been baked, drowned or frozen. False alarms are a bad look – 1970’s ice age rage, anyone?

The same with the Obamacare repeal. What happens when 2018 rolls around and the streets aren’t littered with the corpses of hard-working Americans deprived of coverage by the malignant Thurston Howells of the GOP? Probably the same thing that happened in 2014 – the Democrats will look stupid, again, and get righteously pummeled. So bring on 2018, you paranoid prediction pinkos. Your lying about an apocalypse now will lead to your apocalypse then.

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