It's been almost a week and I am still giggling like a women-gendered schoolchild as I gaze out over the smoking ruins of the Obama dream. The voters spoke, and what they said to Obama was, “You suck.”
But we need to move on from our glorious festival of schadenfreude and strike while the enemy is in disarray. This is an opportunity we must seize. This elections’ utter and complete repudiation of everything these progressive punks proclaim must be Viagra for an impotent GOP establishment.
Time to run up the score on these liberal twerps.
We have already seen the liberal response to the voters treating them like a guy who just came back from West Africa and now wants a hug. It’s as pathetic as it is predictable.
“Oh, the voters meant nothing by their total rejection of everything we stand for.”
“Oh, the voters were just angry at incumbents, which is why they reelected all the Republican incumbents and only a few of the liberal ones.”
And my personal favorite:
“Oh, this is actually bad news for the Republicans because now the GOP is going to have a civil war between the real conservatives and spineless rhinos.”
Now that one may have a ring of truth, but not how the liberals think. If there's a GOP Civil War, it's the establishment that loses.
But there is not going to be a GOP civil war, as long as the establishment does not misunderstand this election as a validation of their past policies of appeasement, spending, and old-time crony corporatism.
Let's make a couple things really, really clear. We are not going to do the amnesty thing. No. Nope. Nuh-uh. The voters were pretty unequivocal that as much as the Chamber of Commerce wants zillions of people shipped in to work for peanuts at the gigantic box stores that fund the Chamber of Commerce, an important part of the electorate does not. That part of the electorate is known as “normal Americans.”
Getting the Senate back should not be misunderstood as a golden opportunity to shaft the people who saved your miserable establishment necks. Don’t even go there.
No amnesty. What are your questions about how amnesty is not going to be a thing?
Now, Obama – who apparently was whacking balls on the putting green last Tuesday and didn't hear about the election until he read it in the paper – may pull some executive shenanigans to get around that annoying Constitution, but we are not going to help him. We are going to let him trip himself up by undercutting the wages of millions and millions of working-class Americans.
Hey, you know how we Republicans need to reach out to minority voters? How about we be the party that didn’t import zillions of foreigners to take their jobs?
Nor is this an opportunity to focus on compromises about things like corporate tax reform that makes us look like the Party of the Country Club, or expanded copyright protection for entertainment companies that fund our enemies. The Republicans I saw working the phones and banging on doors last week don’t belong to country clubs, and they’re sick and tired of Hollywood portraying them as banjo-strumming in-breds bent on ambushing innocent canoers.
How about we not alienate our base in order to assist our enemies? Yeah, let’s give that option a whirl.
The next two years are not about pursuing some magical bipartisan compromise that will merely slow our descent into socialism. It’s about stopping that descent.
The only purpose of this Congress is to the set the conditions for the election of a conservative Republican president and the retention of both houses of Congress in 2016. Anyone who starts talking about “governing” – yeah, you know who I mean – should be gagged, put in a vinyl gimp suit, and locked in a box in the Senate cellar until December 2016. Sure, there will be establishment Republicans intrigued by this idea, maybe even aroused, but be that as it may, this is not the time to go back to business as usual.
This is the time to prepare to complete the destruction of the progressive dream.
We can do this, because we are a new GOP. We need to understand who we now are. We are not the party of old white people. We elected the first black senator from the south. We elected a black woman from Utah. We elected a woman who was a combat leader in Iraq. We are the party that doesn't care where your grandfather came from or whether or not you possess the plumbing to give birth. We are the party of Americans, not just a collection of checkboxes on some diversity cop’s clipboard.
Our enemies are out of ammo – they shot blanks last week. Mark Uterus went all in with the gynecology platform and even liberal newspapers mocked him. People who are not even conservatives start giggling when you mention the “War on Women,” and regular people routinely smirk as they blame any minor misfortune on racism.
“McDonald’s forgot my McNuggets. So racist. Hahahahahaha.”
When you party’s entire platform becomes a punchline, you’ve got a problem. The Democrats bet it all on grievances, and now grievances are just a joke. They got nothing.
Hell, what's Hillary going to run on the 2016? Her formidable list of achievements? Let’s list them:
One: She’s accomplished being female.
Two: Something about Burma, or whatever its name is this week.
Three: She raised awareness of, uh, awareness.
And no, covering up for a serial sexual predator husband does not count as an achievement. Hillary Clinton is as fit for the presidency as Lena Dunham is for running a preschool.
But we can still blow it. Let's not fool ourselves – we conservatives have not completely made our case to the American people. Let's not misinterpret this election as a rousing vindication of ourselves. We still need to make the case for free enterprise. We still need to make the case for civil rights. We still need to make a case for conservatism, and going back to business as usual by passing out corporate welfare to a bunch of guys who all look like the Monopoly Man is not going to do it.
In public, let's be friendly and hopeful and helpful and offer to reach our hands across the aisle to work with President Obama and maybe even go golfing with him and stuff. But let's understand that our real goal is to destroy everything he stands for – the lies, the elitism, the quasi-fascist dream of controlling every aspect of other people’s lives.
This is the time to strike. Our enemies on the run. Anyone in the military knows that you defeat the enemy in detail during a rout. Let's hunt them down. Let's finish off progressivism as an ideology. And let's do it by not being stupid.