Gun Control Mania, Part II: The Revenge

Posted: Sep 20, 2013 12:01 AM

It would be awful if the Democrats decide that the latest massacre by a non-Tea Partier means it’s time for yet another high-profile Congressional push for gun control. Awful awesome.

You should never interrupt your opponent when he is making a mistake, so those of us who don’t think the Bill of Rights is optional need to keep this on the down low. Gun control destroys Democrat politicians. While I’m against gun control ever being enacted, I’m always delighted to see the Democrats push it. Though they probably won’t get the red statey analogy, go ahead and throw us in the briar patch, you liberal fascist clowns.

Now, if Democrats were rational beings who operated by assessing stuff like facts and evidence before deciding on a policy prescription, they wouldn’t be Democrats. The Party of Fail is notorious for enacting programs that make problems worse and then concluding the way to remedy their defects is to double down. “Hey, I know how we can win the War on Poverty – let’s pass more laws that encourage people to stay poor!”

Still, it’s hard to understand a decision-making process that concludes the slaughter of a dozen helpless occupants of a gun free zone in the middle of a gun free city indicates an urgent need to ensure that all American citizens be rendered helpless occupants of a gun free country. This is the same kind of pro-science, rational analysis that concludes every kind of weather proves the existence of global warming.

Oops, I mean “climate change.” Oh, and I meant “gun safety.” When you’re liberal, it’s important to use language that obscures your intent.

And their intent is a complete elimination of private weapons ownership, hence the latest talking liberal point about “reasonable gun regulations.” Who’s against reasonability? I love the term “reasonable gun regulations,” but then I’m a lawyer and I have a professional appreciation for people who dissemble effectively.

Of course, aren’t the places with the least “reasonable” gun regulations often the most violent, most Hobbesian killing fields? For instance, there’s a state where you don’t have to even have a permit to carry a concealed weapon! No wonder that every weekend, you open up your paper and read about the slaughter on the mean streets of Vermont.

Oh, wait, I’m sorry. The slaughter is on the mean streets of gun-free Chicago. My bad – I’m using facts to make my point. As any liberal pundit can tell you, I should be exploiting the emotional impact of a terrible crime to ensure that you ignore the facts.

Those of us who support freedom – and an armed populace is the ultimate guarantor of the freedoms God endowed us with and which the Constitution merely acknowledges – should keep talking about the facts, and some of the most important facts are expressed with numbers. Let’s start with the homicide numbers, in freefall over the same two decades as states began to conform their gun laws to the requirements of the Constitution. And how about 500,000 to 3 million – the estimated number of times per year citizens defend themselves with guns?

Let’s look at another number – 329,999,999. That the approximate number of Americans who did not go on a killing spree at the Navy Yard – and the number of American citizens whose fundamental rights Democrats would strip away in a heartbeat if they could.

Then there’s the number “2” – that’s the number of Colorado Democrats booted out of office for their anti-gun freedom stance a couple weeks ago. Here’s hoping that the Democrats find the courage to ignore the Colorado recall numbers and bravely pursue their fanatical assault on our basic freedoms.

And it is fanatical – we’ve seen not only how it defies basic reason but also how it puts their political careers at risk. Liberals know that we conservative Americans are the last people who will ever use our guns to commit crime – that dirtbag ex-cop in Los Angeles wrote a mash note to the Lightbringer and the Navy Yard loser was a fan too. Gun control is not really about controlling guns but about controlling us, real Americans who infuriate the liberal elite by stubbornly refusing to conform our behavior to the dictates of our urban betters.

And if we submit to the whining of the metrosexual liberal mob and give up our guns – liberals love the guns they control – it won’t end there. They have plenty of other ideas for improving us on their “To Do” list. Our religion, our big cars and trucks, our red meat, our Fox News viewing – they will address all of these deficiencies and more in their eternal quest to perfect us. And by “perfect us” I mean turn us into subservient robots eager to heed their commands.

But Americans don’t appreciate a bunch of coastal city liberal fascists with delusions of moral superiority telling us what to do. The Democrats from red America running in 2014 get it – endangered Senators Begich (D-AK), Pryor (D-AR), Hagan (D-NC), and Landrieu (D-LA) have got to be sweating it out as safe Senator Feinstein (D-Leftopia) starts with the gun control nonsense again.

Rock on, DiFi. Remember, you have a moral obligation to push those reasonable gun regulations right up to a public vote! Don’t let Harry Reid weasel out of it – you get those senators on record! We conservatives are totally with you.

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