Opinion

Biden's Disappearing COVID

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Posted: Jan 24, 2021 11:05 AM
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Biden's Disappearing COVID

Source: AP Photo/Evan Vucci, File

Now that Pop-pop has been president long enough to sign an enormous stack of executive orders, re-establish swamp creature control of every mechanism of government, and make America last again another interesting phenomenon is occurring.

Have you noticed?

I’m not talking about the way Amtrak Joe stays in his basement hollering at his internet camera telling people they “ain’t black, man.” Nor am I referring to the way he’s evidently still running for the United States Senate.

Have you taken a look-see at the “‘Rona” lately? And by lately I’m referring to the last 72 hours or so?

It’s a very bizarre phenomenon but the same virus that was destroying all of middle earth, the virus that was the justification for America to elect a dawdling hair sniffer who loved to let kids rub the hairs on his legs (under water no less), has suddenly—disappeared. 

Every cable news channel that kept the latest deaths (which was always a random and manipulated figure), new infections (which we only knew from a surge in testing), and the neon glow lettering that had announced them on permanent display in the lower third or in static boxes on one half of the screens have just suddenly vanished.

It seems the changes occurred about 12:01 on Inauguration Day. So odd.

And you’d figure that it would still be news, especially since Joe the plagiarizer had spent the better part of two years telling all 12 people that came to his parking lot honkfests and lawn dart target practices that he was not only going to cure cancer but finally find a way to end the pandemic once and for all. 

Remember how he bragged about how he and President Obama had handled other pandemics like swine flu? (I mean word is they are getting super close on a vaccine for that any day now).

You remember he and the “transformational” president that got 16 million votes less than him had basically left a “playbook” in the Oval Office so that new presidents could just use the checklist and fix things?

Despite those very realistic promises that never had even a hint of suspicion about them he made throngs of people (even dead ones) in six specific counties believe that COVID-19 was going to wipe out half the country unless he was elected.

And evidently it worked.

I mean, this week it was reported that he has promised to hit a goal of getting one million people vaccinated a day. No one told him that the last guy had already hit that threshold.

It would be genuinely great if President Handsy would in fact instill a sense of purpose into his agenda towards getting the people he serves to a better place (and by that I don’t mean the way he helped Hunter score heroin or hookers). I mean an actually solid place, with an opened up economy, a free market, a strong national defense and staying the heck out of the rest of our lives.

He could also help some of the genius partisan governors and mayors who continue to make a bigger mess of the vaccine rollouts. Look at Manhattan’s de Blasio running out of doses this weekend (probably not helped by distribution points throwing doses away) and New York’s Governor Cuomo pushing for heroin addicts to cut in line in front of the autoimmune vulnerable was a great move. And then there's the Pennsylvania governor pushing 16 year old smokers in front of seniors for vaccines.

Meanwhile President Prattlebaron is busy killing 1,000 energy sector jobs per hour that he’s in office and the CBO believes he’s possibly killed 4.1 million total jobs in his executive actions thus far—to date—like five days in. 

Add to these realities that the twaddle-wonk got locked out of the White House immediately after firing the doorman and well... it’s been quite the week for Scranton’s second favorite son.

I mean I might be mistaken but I’m pretty sure Michael Scott beat him out. 

Oh, wait they haven’t counted the COVID mail-in votes yet...