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The Gun Rights of the Inbred, Snaggle-Toothed Alabamans

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

If you want to carry a gun in Alabama, you’re probably kin to a slave-holding, murdering, adulterous, baby-raping, incestuous, snaggle-toothed, backward-a**ed, inbreed, imported criminal-minded grandma or grandpa.


At least that’s the word from education expert, the Dishonorable Representative Joe Mitchell (D) Dumb A**. 

And no, the “A” is not short for Alabama. 

Yes, racism is still alive in the stormy south. Well at the very least it’s still alive in Alabama’s 103th state house district in Mobile. That’s where Rep. Joe Mitchell, Ph.D. comes from.

Mitchell is African-American. He’s also an “expert” in education. According to his bio at the legislature Mitchell is a “published researcher in educational psychology, [he’s] taught collegiate Behavioral Studies and Measurement and Evaluation and Psychological Testing, served as a Middle East and North Africa engineering consultant; and is an award-winning Jazz Music Educator and performing Jazz Musician.”

He also “plays flutes... highland pipes, bassoons and saxophones.”

He probably like long walks on the beach too.  

Lastly, but most importantly, however, Mitchell is a racist.

Mitchell, it seems, packs a lot of crap into one Ph.D., but he’s notably lacking in common sense and tact. 

In January, Mitchell received a mass email asking Alabama legislators to uphold the Alabama constitution, specifically Article One, section 26 that declares: “That the great, general and essential principles of liberty and free government may be recognized and established, we declare... That every citizen has a right to bear arms in defense of himself and the state.”


The email was occasioned by the Obama administration’s orchestration and introduction of anti-gun laws in the last three months at state legislatures around the country.

The email was sent by Alabama resident Eddie Maxwell, who asked legislators to “not violate your oath of office by introducing additional gun control bills or by allowing those already enacted to remain in the body of our laws.  “

Under the Alabama constitution, says Maxwell, “a violation of an oath in an official proceeding [is] a class C felony.”

I don’t know enough about the Alabama constitution to talk knowingly about the felony stuff, but Article One, section 26 is real enough. And overall, Maxwell’s plea looks like a pretty typical communication from a concerned resident who wants to support his right to keep and bear arms.

Rep. Mitchell, confidently motivated by poor judgment, deep-seated racism and spotty usage, replied to Maxwell’s missive on the very same day, thusly:

Hey man. You have used the word ‘except’ when I think you mean somethin’ else.

Hey man. Your folk never used all this sheit to protect my folk from your slave-holding, murdering, adulterous, baby-raping, incestuous, snaggle-toothed, backward-a**ed, inbreed, imported criminal-minded kin folk. You can keep sending me stuff like you have however because it helps me explain to my constituents why they should protect that 2nd amendment thing AFTER we finish stocking up on spare parts, munitions and the like. Bring it. As one of my friends in the Alabama Senate suggested – “BRING IT!!!!”


Mitchell it seems is haunted by a world of the past, by dead people on walls, who still oppress him.


Mitchell told the bi-weekly newspaper that the state House hallways are lined with portraits of former legislators — white slave owners, he said, whose descendants continue to hold positions of wealth and power in Alabama.

"If I put myself in their place I can see the context, but how many times has anyone put themselves in my place?” he asked. "I don’t have an apology, I just ask (Maxwell) to come up and look at the wall I have to face every day and know that everybody on that wall had slaves and benefitted from it.”

Sure, there are a lot of excuses for the type of racism that passes as acceptable amongst liberals today. But put it in the past Rep. Mitchell. It's dead now. It's a thing that should remain of antique curiosity.  

Because there is still no good reason for racism today even if your kin folk were slave-holding, murdering, adulterous, baby-raping, incestuous, snaggle-toothed, backward-a**ed and inbred. 

Or even if your kin folk were slaves.

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