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Disaster: April Brings Government Surplus; WTFund?

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

If things weren’t bad enough for Obama- high unemployment, the collapse of Europe, losing delegate votes to a federal inmate, the Chicago Bulls being eliminated from the playoffs- which, of course, screwed up the president’s NBA bracket- now comes even more bad news: The government actually brought in more money than it spent in April.

Obama better take a 14-day vacation real soon; or lower the debt ceiling; or something.

We are about to have an outbreak of fiscal responsibility. How did this happen?

What’s the use of sending up joke-shop, gag budgets to Congress, which can’t even garner one vote from any party, anywhere, if the result is a runaway budget surplus?  

That’s right; with $58 billion in extra cash, the government recorded its first monthly surplus in revenues since George Bush was president in 2008.

Quick. Pass a budget, before we have a surplus again.

“The federal government broke its record deficit streak in April,” noted the Washington Times, “notching its first monthly surplus since the end of the Bush administration, according to preliminary estimates released Monday.”

And of course, this is all Bush’ fault.

And those do-nothing Republicans.

"Every member of the House is up for election this year and a third of the Senate, and each of those members who are running for re-election has to explain to his or her constituents what they did while they were in Washington these last two years. Did they just say no," to more spending? White House automaton Jay Carney said according to the Huffington Post before the reporters ran out of quarters to feed into the White House machine.

I agree with Carney.

If they just said “no,” rather than “hell, no,” well, they ought to be ashamed. 

But don’t worry, HuffPo readers.

Obama has a shopping list; that surplus won’t last long.

He’s got a plan to spend that $58 billion, plus whatever other money he can pry out of taxpayers, taxpayers’ children and taxpayers’ grandchildren and their children’s children.

For sayeth Obama, the great Law Giver, Provider of Healthcare and Constitutional Tax Lawyer: “Let the spending of the fathers be visited upon the children to the third our fourth generation. Note: See box 5 of the instruction sheet that comes with IRS Form 433-B revision 0108. Failure to follow complete instructions may result in the delay of account resolution to future generations.” 

In addition, I think Democrats are working on a way of taxing any species that in the future will evolve from Homo Sapien Americanus through a registry of DNA samples.

Apparently Geithner is also examining a zero-coupon, 20-million-year Treasury bond, complete with a treasure map showing the Treasury’s last known location in order to help archeologists cash in.

The new Treasuries will be denominated in Euro-based carbon credits that are weighted to the Chinese Yuan through the U.S. Import-Export Bank under a program that was designed by the International Monetary Fund authorized by the United Nations Global Arctic Famine Fund.

So you just know it’s gotta be a good idea.

You run any idea through that many people who are experts at everything- and by the way, each and everyone is a LOT smarter than Sarah Palin- and we could be seeing deficits on those bonds for 100 million, 200 million years, maybe even longer. 

I’m assuming that Obama’s assuming that he’ll still be president of China’s Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere by then.

And with the new Democrat-controlled genetic sequencing to do all the central planning- nothing like picking winners and losers before life even begins- what could go wrong?  

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