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OWS Goes All OWS on Itself

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Note: This article orginally appeared on October 28th, 2011

Occupy Wall Street is descending rapidly into a caricature of the Orwellian farce on which it was predicated: Animal Farm.

"Never mind the milk, comrades!" cried Napoleon, placing himself in front of the buckets. "That will be attended to. The harvest is more important. Comrade Snowball will lead the way. I shall follow in a few minutes. Forward, comrades! The hay is waiting."

So the animals trooped down to the hayfield to begin the harvest, and when they came back in the evening it was noticed that the milk had disappeared. - Animal Farm, Chapter II

Volunteers who are preparing redistributed food for the OWSers are going on a mini-strike because the one percent in New York City who is unlucky enough not to have a roof over their head has been muscling in on the redistributive bounty of OWS.

“The Occupy Wall Street volunteer kitchen staff launched a ‘counter’ revolution yesterday,” reports the New York Post, “because they’re angry about working 18-hour days to provide food for ‘professional homeless’ people and ex-cons masquerading as protesters.”

What a bunch of Kulaks, those homeless! You know? As opposed to the “true” homeless of the Occupy Wall Street crowd who have to live in their parents’ basements until they get a job. 

I guess it takes one professional con man to know another. But I thought Occupy Wall Street was about helping the dispossessed, the homeless or people about to become homeless? Once you go “pro” as homeless, apparently, you don’t qualify for all the perks and benefits that the amateur homeless get. Or maybe the professional homeless don’t belong to the right union.

Which reminds me: How do you tell the difference between a professional OWS protestor and an ex-con? One of them is an ex-con.

The bounty for the professional protestors bravely occupying Wall Street so the rest of us can get up early and go to work and pay the rent, includes “organic chicken and vegetables, spaghetti bolognese, and roasted beet and sheep’s-milk-cheese salad,” says the Post.

Well, after seeing the menu that they put up with, I can only thank God there is someone out there stupid enough to protest those bastards on Wall Street who made everyone “homeless” by trying to trick everyone into buying homes to live in.  

Long live the 99, err, 98 percent!* (*98 percent for descriptive purposes only- not intended to be an actual value.)

In retaliation the kitchen staff down at OWS- The Manhattan Project served peanut butter and jelly to protestors instead. No wonder they are outraged.  When Stalin was out robbing banks for the Communists near Tiflis, he got soup, salad and an aperitif.   

I know of five fathers- at least- who got up before 7 in the morning today to go to workplaces that they own, who had peanut butter and jelly- or something similar- for lunch because they are too busy- and broke- providing paychecks for their employees.   

So the self-appointed workers-students soviet of the OWS spaghetti revolution, which goes by the creepy name of the Assembly, has decided to put an end to “freeloading.”

And no; that doesn’t mean they are all going home, getting jobs, running businesses.

Instead, they are cracking down on the menu for three (3) whole days. They really mean business this time.  

From the New York Post:

The Assembly announced the three-day menu crackdown announced earlier in the day -- insisting everybody would be fed something during that period.

Some protesters threatened that the high-end meals could be cut off completely if the vagrants and criminals don’t disperse.

Unhappiness with their unwelcome guests was apparent throughout the day.

“We need to limit the amount of food we’re putting out” to curb the influx of derelicts, said Rafael Moreno, a kitchen volunteer.

A security volunteer added that the cooks felt “overworked and underappreciated.”

Wow. Imagine the nerve of people tying compensation, like high-end meals, to actual work. Next thing you know these folks are going to issue an Occupy Wall Street IPO right before getting a government bailout. OK, maybe they'll just skip directly to the government bailout.     

But overworked and underappreciated? I’ve been trying to tell that to my kids for years.

So taking a page out of the OWS book, I just announced that for three (3) whole days I’d be serving them nothing but peanut butter and jelly in protest.

“Hurray,” they all screamed in unison.

And they can have all the milk they want with it too. But no aperitifs.


PS- If you friend me on Facebook you get sneak peeks of columns!  

PS Part 2- The email function at the top of the page working again. Sorry it took so long. Let the Hate Mail begin!

John Ransom | Create Your Badge

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