President Oprah Winfrey.
In ancient times, that's what you may have said -- if you were still alive -- after being struck in the forehead by one of Zeus' thunderbolts.
But now it's what the Democratic Party is saying after they've had their Oprah "aha" moment.
Because after her presidential-ish speech at the Golden Globe Awards the other night -- and please don't play the fool and pretend it wasn't a presidential-ish speech, because it was -- everything becomes clear.
And there is nothing, really, that the Democratic Party can do about it.
All Oprah needs to do is reach out her hand for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination, as if it were a warm piece of White House pie.
It's on her plate. It's done.
Because if she is denied her pie -- as reportedly happened during an awkward visit to the Obama White House -- we may witness a disaster.
Oprah Winfrey is an expert when it comes to celebrity and marketing. And she's an artistic genius when it comes to public feelings and public emoting.
So when she delivered that speech at the Golden Globes, so folksy, so stirring that Hollywood actors cried real tears and political journalists felt the tingles run down their legs once again, you knew it was her moment.
"For too long, women have not been heard or believed if they dare speak the truth to the power of those men," Winfrey said to the crowd on national TV. "But their time is up. Their time is up."
I'm not making light of her speech. It was a serious talk in prime time to a friendly audience, about racism and sexism and the sins of the past and her hope for the future. It was remarkable.
It was a speech of a smart woman testing the presidential waters.
But what's even more remarkable than the speech is what bloomed afterward. The Democratic Media Complex is in love again. They've been out in the cold so long, desperate to belong, and now they have their champion. It's a beautiful thing, really.
President Donald Trump became president by bashing down the establishment gates. But the Democratic Media Complex, which at its core is establishmentarian, loathed him for it.
Trump threatened their seats at the banquet, their position as guardians of empire, but Oprah?
Oprah is their moveable feast. And they will open the gates wide for her.
NBC, obsequious as ever, did so by endorsing an Oprah presidential run on its verified Twitter account. "Nothing but respect for OUR future president," it said.
Then NBC realized that an endorsement, even before Oprah asked for it, might suggest media bias. So NBC deleted the tweet, though obviously the love still throbs.
Actress Meryl Streep is the grande dame of Hollywood now. She loves Oprah.
Yes, Streep also once idolized sex harasser/assaulter and producer Harvey Weinstein, or at least she thought so highly of him that she once publicly declared he was "God."
But Streep loves Oprah now.
"I want her to run for president," Streep said.
Streep was clearly overwhelmed, as were many in the audience, wearing black, condemning men like Weinstein. And those photos of Oprah hugging Weinstein that circulated immediately afterward?
Or the fact that Hollywood is full of hypocrites who knew about Weinstein for years and said nothing and did nothing even while lecturing America about its lack of moral courage?
Don't be such a hater. All such hate will be washed away in the waters of Oprah. She will heal them, she will cleanse them, and they will love for it.
Oprah is intrigued about the possibility of running for president, says her longtime friend Gayle King. She'd do it if the people want her to, said longtime partner Stedman Graham.
Even President Donald Trump once thought she'd make a great running mate, though now he says he can beat her. Don't be so sure.
I'm sure it drives other Democrats crazy -- the way Trump drove the establishment Republicans crazy -- but that's just the way the celebrity cookie crumbles.
The Democratic Party was once about ideas, about sound economic policy (even tax cuts) and anti-communism and the working man.
But conservative Democrats have been purged. The party now offers a leftist diet of open borders, social justice warriors and virulent anti-Trumpism.
It relies less on policy than on feelings and emotion. And all of it is set upon the party foundation of racial and gender identity politics.
Oprah is African-American. She's a woman. She was raised a poor girl in Milwaukee, and she made her own way and spent decades telling Americans about their feelings and emotions and made billions of dollars.
So who would take her down? Who would dare mock her? Bernie Sanders, Liz Warren and even creepy touchy-feely former Vice President Joe Biden wouldn't dare.
And Kirsten Gillibrand, for whom Al Franken was subjected to ritual sacrifice on the altar of her presidential ambitions?
No way, Kirsten. Too bad, Al.
Andrew Cuomo? He can cry.
So to help soothe their sad feelings, I've come up with a new cocktail in honor of Oprah's ascendancy.
You can call it Cuomo Tears on the Rocks or Kirsten's Sobs. Sanders Shrieks, Warren's War Cry on Ice or Biden's Fingertips on Your Wife's Neck.
Or a Chilly Gillibrand with a Franken Swizzle.
It is a drink of equal parts bitters and broken dreams, shaken, not stirred.
They'll smile and gulp it down and announce it's the tastiest thing they've ever tried, if Oprah serves it to them. And they'll say:
"Please, Oprah, may I have another?"
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