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Dear Second Amendment Lovers: Read This Before You Blow Off Trump or Cruz

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

No matter how much Trump calls Cruz “Lyin’ Ted”’, if Cruz becomes the nominee, I’ll vote for him.

In addition, if Trump gets the nod, I will also rock up, come election day, and vote for The Donald.

Matter of fact, if Reince and Romney somehow hornswoggle the nomination from Trump or Cruz and unrighteously bequeath it to Jeb’s lazy-eyed, quasi-Republican step-nephew named Dilbert Bush (who makes Dubya look like MENSA’s president) I, too, will pony up and vote for that vapid clunk.

So, why am I so pliable this election cycle with whomever the Right yields up?

Is it because I lack constitutional conviction?

Is it because I’m not fully committed to The Trump Revolution?

Heck, if I know. It could be.

Call me squishy, but I’m not a #NeverCruz or a #NeverTrump dude, but a #NeverHillay man.

That. I. Know. Fo’. Sure.

“Anyone but Hillary” is my mantra and with that funky, bottom-line bass note I can make the case for Trump, Cruz, Kasich, Ryan Seacrest, Carrot Top and Prince over that slab of spoiled halibut.

Hillary will be an angry and old dilatation of Obama’s bollocks on steroids. My prediction is that her reign will be much akin to listening to your drunk aunt do karaoke to the extended cut of Jethro Tull’s Thick as a Brick. Pure, political torture. Kill me now, Lord.

The reasons for my animus towards the thought of … yack … The Hildebeest in the White House are both deep and multitudinous. For the sake of this short column, I’ll give you just one reason why I’m a Trump and/or Cruz cheerleader. Are you ready?

Call me simple, but for this offering it is … drum roll please …my guns.

I love big guns and I cannot lie, you, other brothers, can’t deny.

Yep, ladies and gentlemen: My name is Doug and I’m a gunaholic.

Why do I love guns? Well, here’s five off-the-cuff reasons:

1. I’m a hunter. 2. I love the smell of gun powder. 3. Recoil is fun.4. My job, as a man, is to protect innocent people. 5. It’s a great tyrant deterrent. Just ask our Nation’s founders.

As a Second Amendment cheerleader, how do I dislike Hillary? Well, let me count the ways.

I dislike her because Hillary has been a long time, anti-gun wench.

In case you missed it, Hillary said this week, “When it comes to guns? We have just too many guns.” She said the aforementioned at a church with the former AG, Eric Holder, who supplied weapons to Mexican drug runners via Fast & Furious, in attendance. How quaint, eh?

In addition, this week The Spawn of The Hildebeest, Chelsea Clinton, informed a crowd in Maryland that, now that Scalia’s deceased, there is an “opportunity” for a gun grab to pass the Supreme Court, and I quote,

“It matters to me that my mom also recognizes the role the Supreme Court has when it comes to gun control. With Justice Scalia on the bench, one of the few areas where the Court actually had an inconsistent record relates to gun control,” Clinton said. “Sometimes the Court upheld local and state gun control measures as being compliant with the Second Amendment and sometimes the Court struck them down.” … “So if you listen to Moms Demand Action and the Brady Campaign and the major efforts pushing for smart, sensible and enforceable gun control across our country, disclosure, have endorsed my mom, they say they believe the next time the Court rules on gun control, it will make a definitive ruling,” Chelsea said. “So it matters to me that my mom is the only person running for president who not only constantly makes that connection but also has a strong record on gun control and standing up to the NRA.”

With that said, when it comes down to November, I’m voting my guns.

#VoteYourGuns, peeps and say with me all you gun lovers, #NeverHillary.

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