If you want to score twenty G’s this summer and garner at least thirty minutes of crazy fame then get busy rooting out Obama’s college transcripts.
This past Friday provocateur Brooks Bayne who runs TheTrenches.us asked me if I’d help get the word out about his offer of 20k to anyone who could produce what the White House does not want us to lay our eyes on, namely: BHO’s college docs.
I told Brooks, “Let me pray about it and I’ll get back with you.” Being a man of my word I knelt and prayed, “Lord, what would thou haveth me to doeth?” No sooner did I finish my supplication than a light shone in my office and an angel from heaven appeared and said in a high-pitched Chinese accent, “Do you really have to pray about this, numb nuts?” I was like, “Okay. I guess that’s a yes. Man, you’re an angry angel.”
The media clearly doesn’t give a rat’s backside about Obama’s international man of mystery status—especially in regard to his college days. What could possibly be in those transcripts that could be freakier than what we already know about the roots of Obama’s rage and his list of friends that makes the Star Wars bar scene look like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir?
There definitely must be some whacked crap in those ‘scripts because they’re being protected more stringently than our special forces military operations have been.
What could be so bad? Did he get a bunch of C’s and D’s? Did he get caught using the girls’ bathroom? Did he get disciplined for smacking his gum too loudly during Advanced Horse Hockey Studies in Alinsky’s Machinations class? What? It’s gotta be some damning stuff because 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue sure ain’t interested in it getting unearthed. And the media is completely dismissive of it as well, which tells me that there’s gold in them thar hills!
You’ve failed, media.
You’ve had over three years to vet President Barack Obama. Yet in three years in office and over a year of campaigning beforehand, you have either been oddly uninterested or purposefully ignorant of Barack Obama’s educational history. You were, however, quite interested in George Bush’s transcripts.
This uncharacteristic absence of curiosity about an American president alarms us. At $15 trillion, our nation’s debt is the highest it has ever been—and it keeps growing. We’re not convinced that Barack is as smart as you media elitists keep insisting he is.
We therefore offer in reward $20,000 to anyone who provides the college transcripts of President Barack Obama. Occidental, Harvard, Columbia … any would represent more intellectual curiosity about the leader of the free world than the media has demonstrated since Obama won the Democrat primary.
Upon obtaining any of these transcripts, please contact war[at]thetrenches[dot]us for verification and payment. This offer goes into effect immediately.
Media, your stranglehold on the truth ends NOW. Let the vetting begin.
I’m betting that after this column goes far and wide the ante will be enlarged significantly.
BTW, if anyone wants my college transcripts I’ll sell them to you signed for $100. You’ll love my freshman year’s high jinks. However, the real gold is in my high school records. I’ve received so many pink slips in those seven years that my file dwarfs War and Peace. Five hundred dollars gets you these bad boys and a signed 8x10 glossy of an 18-year-old me with a mullet.
Check out my latest video volley: Obama - "Wanted: Useful Idiots for the Revolution!"
And don’t forget, TheTrenches.us is dangling $20,000 to anyone who can produce the transcripts.