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Four Habits of an Occupy Wall Street Occupuss

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Herewith are four common denominators of a Wall Street occupier.

Habit One: Hate America. Unlike the patriotic Tea Party movement where Old Glory flies proudly and participants sing patriotic songs with vigor and recite the Pledge of Allegiance with thunderous respect, the exact opposite goes on at the OWS Teat Parties.


They hate America. You won’t see them pledging allegiance to this country. If you don’t believe me, google Occupy Wall Street and check out the images and videos this cabal has spawned and tell me these winners love this land. I’m waiting …

Habit Two: Hate Jesus Christ & Moses. Even though some moronic Christians have been cheerleading at the OWS free candy rallies, they obviously don’t dig Jesus, Joseph or Mary.

How do I know? Well, they’re into stealing (“redistribution of wealth”); sloth (who has that much time to waste?); and envy (they want what others enjoy—and if they can’t have it, nobody should. The envier’s motto is: “if not I, then no one.”).

In addition, they’re cool with destroying private property and wrecking the local environment (I thought these greenies loved mother earth?). Another hand tip that these lovelies no likey God is the virulent anti-Semitic cursing of the “greedy Jews” for all the slackers’ financial woes. And a big chunk of them, by their own admission, are cool with violence if that’s what it takes to get “economic justice.” Yep, for one to be a good OWS rebel one must dispense with Jesus & Moses because they condemn the aforementioned behaviors.

Habit Three: Hate Responsibility. Another thing for certain about the Occupy Wall Street crowd is that they love to blame others and shirk responsibility for why their lives suck more than a Toro Gas Vac with its powerful 25.4cc 2-cycle commercial-grade engine (she’s a doozy, ain’t she?!).


Blameshifting, according to success expert Stephen Covey, is a key habit to being a hobbled and broke Occupy Occupuss. The other day I saw a trust fund baby Columbia grad at an OWS rally blathering about how Wall Street was “oppressing” him, and I’m sitting there thinking, “Yeah, sure. It’s Wall Street’s fault you can’t find gainful employment. It has nothing to do with your giant pot leaf forehead tattoo, your lug bolt tongue piercing, or the fact that only a sweaty skunk’s butt eclipses the stench your dreadlocks emit. It’s the man and the machine’s fault!”

Habit Four: Hate Independence. A further obvious common denominator of the Flea Party is that is appears as if these smelly cats are addicted to the mediocre and manipulative milk which slowly drips from the fed’s bankrupt, wilted tit. Yep, via the public school system these dependents have come to expect/demand that the government’s job is to give them a job—or just screw the job and give ‘em money.

I read this one whiner’s whimperings on a pro-OWS blog that stated that they just want the government to give them a fair chance at the American dream. A “fair chance,” little flower? Yes, you know … as in free college, free health care and free scented oil massage. Well hello, Lewis and frickin’ Clark!

Hey, sweetie, you already have a fair chance at the American dream. You are here. Now … if you would cease and desist your pathetic, weed-inspired diatribe and dig deep within your bong resin-crusted psyche for an idea for goods or services that meet the consumers’ wants or needs then you, too, will have a purty good shot at living the dream. That is, of course, until the federal government gets wind of your success and begins to regulate it more than Michelle does Barack when Shakira visits the White House.


Final warning: If you ever deviate from these habits, OWS protestor, and start appreciating this great nation, start following Jesus and Mo’s lead by taking responsibility for your own well-being and become a mean, lean, independent human being, it will cost you your broke OWS companions.

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