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OPINION

Bring Back The Masks!

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis

As long as there are leftists, there will be people demanding everyone else comply with their wishes. They are totalitarians, after all. But not everything they want to impose is a hardship if it’s applied to them first. So, as they move to reimpose COVID restrictions on the country, likely to help their election prospects next year, it’s time we turn the tables on them.

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Yes, bring back the masks. 

Let’s be honest, the people most inclined to demand everyone wear a facemask are the least likely to have a face anyone wants to look at. I’m not saying they’re ugly; I’m heavily implying it so I don’t have to say it. 

Forget the masks; we need to create an N95 Burqa for these people – cover the whole body, head-to-toe. While it wouldn’t be pleasant for them, think of all the Karens we’d be spared from. Half their meltdowns are over how someone else isn’t wearing a scuba tank, exhaling in their general direction. Complete coverage might be the only way to shut these people up. At a minimum, it’s worth a try.

Keep their kids home from school, too. 

I know, that sounds horrible and mean. And I don’t mean it to. OK, that’s not entirely true, but I mean it as a swipe at their parents, not the kids. The kids will be alright, ultimately. If you know anyone who was the child of a junkie, a drunk, or some other kind of degenerate, you likely notice how they don’t indulge in the scumbag behavior of their parent(s). Why? Because they’ve seen what it does to people’s lives. It’s not an ironclad rule, sometimes those habits are passed down, but many times they are not. Idiot liberals are likely to have kids who recoil in horror at the prospect of what their parents are and rebel against them. 

In the meantime, while we await that recoil, we have to recognize we can’t save everyone, especially when the biggest threat to their sanity is providing half or all of their DNA. Therefore, we need to do all we can to protect everyone else as best we can.

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Make schools for children of sane parents who don’t use their kids as a neurotic pincushion for “vaccines,” and I’d bet dollars to donuts the issue with kids declaring themselves to be the opposite or some random, made-up gender disappears. The teachers pushing that crap will still be there – we really need to get rid of teachers’ unions and tenure – but they’ll be screaming into the Grand Canyon, not grooming kids. 

Just image the TikTok videos these psychotic narcissists would produce when their attempts to discuss how they spent the weekend at a throuple orgy for people so unattractive they can only land other C.H.U.D.s is met with a resounding, “How about you just teach us to do math, loser?” I’d pay good money for that.

Let people walk their dogs with face coverings, please.

It’s tough to spot the crazy people in your neighborhood just by driving past their houses – even crazy people have mostly exited the pink flamingo and garden gnome game. But if you see them walking their dog with a mask on or, my personal favorite, driving a car alone, you know which house to skip on Halloween. 

We have all the tools we need to spot the crazies, avoid them, and, most importantly: vote for them next November. 

So, encourage them to mask up, burqa up, scuba gear up, and slather themselves in Purell while using Lysol wipes as currency. Give them a wide berth, as wide as they need to show the world who they are. Let them hang their velvet paintings of Dr. Fauci and lecture everyone else about how they must comply; it will only serve to remind everyone of what they did the first time around. 

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As they march down the street with their booster syringes hanging out of their arms, if we can’t use that to beat these people, we deserve to lose. Let me say that more clearly so there’s no ambiguity – the left is showing everyone who they really are; if we can’t message against that and beat it, we will not only lose next year, we will deserve it. So, mask up, leftists. 

Derek Hunter is the host of a free daily podcast (subscribe!) and author of the book, Outrage, INC., which exposes how liberals use fear and hatred to manipulate the masses, and host of the weekly “Week in F*cking Review” podcast where the news is spoken about the way it deserves to be. Follow him on Twitter at @DerekAHunter.

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