No Fight Club

The first rule of No Fight Club is that there is no fight. Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) went to the well of the U.S. House of Representatives to indignantly declare, “There is absolutely no fight.”

Mr. Boehner is correct. That’s not the good news, it’s the bad.

As with so much of our overgrown federal government, there isn’t much of a battle about it, at least, not between Republicans and Democrats ensconced in Washington. Oh, sure, we hear a ton of bluster and bickering and name-calling, but when it comes to policy, there’s not much disagreement on the basics. Both parties favor a government that solves every problem imaginable for everyone every moment of the day or night, 24/7. Globally.

In case of asteroid, make that universally.

Don’t worry; be happy: All things are possible. When we hit a bump in the road, we get back into high gear by either raising or lowering taxes, fiddling a tad with regulations, consulting the right experts and preferred scientists, and investing in our future . . . just the right amount, of course.

On the question of where that precise point rests, well, there remains some disagreement.

Much of it phony.

That disingenuousness was the Speaker’s point: “Why do people insist that we have to have a political fight on something where there is no fight? . . . People want to politicize this because it’s a political year. But, my God, do we have to fight about everything? And now we’re going to have a fight over women’s health. Give me a break.”

The political fight of the day was over the bill that did indeed pass. It was about spending money on — er, to be precise, continuing to make American taxpayers subsidize — student loan interest rates to keep them sort of “affordable.” As Mr. Boehner noted, there is no disagreement between Rs and Ds on John Q’s responsibility to pick up the check. Any check. Every check.

All agreed, then, on spending the money. Why not? After you borrow a trillion for your supper and ale, why sweat the cost of a chaser?

The fight is over where to get the dough.