Step right up, folks. Immediate seating. Orchestra, mezzanine, balcony, it doesn't matter. There's not a bad seat in the house. Hear every crash and clunk and lightning-fast excuse for it. No need to rush. This is an indefinite run. But you won't want to miss it. It certainly won't miss you sooner or later or now. A thrill, a chill, a spill and splash a minute, if not faster. See the impossible before your very eyes: trying to buy insurance in this wacky game that everybody is talking about....
Over the weekend, the whole marvelous contraption, the magnificent centralized and streamlined Immense Univac-style Data Center, so long and so many millions in the making, blinked and shuddered and stalled and crashed and went out before your very eyes, ladies and gentlemen and suckers galore. Now that it's coming back, it'll be something else that goes wrong next week, and it'll be just as astounding, electrifying and edifying! A sight you'll never forget -- however hard you try.
Ziegfield had his Follies and Rube Goldberg his inventions, but there's never been a zany comedy, tragedy and trainwreck all in one like Obamacare. And it's coming soon to a theater near you, ready or not. There'll be no avoiding it. As the artistic genius behind it all never tires of telling us, it's the law! Till he says it ain't and issues a waiver, now available to all and sundry at the small box office over there to your right. Just tell 'em Barack Obama sent you....
So hurry, hurry, hurry, get your tickets now. It's a crash, bang, and crack-up a minute. (But always call it a glitch.) Not since Springtime for Hitler has a flop been so carefully, lovingly, perfectly designed to fail. There years and millions in the making!
You'll love it once you find out it what's in it. That's the word from Nancy Pelosi, the greatest unintended comic of the age. She conducts personal backstage tours of every nook, cranny, scandal and rationalization involved in this Historic Production. It's a laff riot! Bring a box lunch and spend the day. You won't want to miss a single thrilling breakdown. New explanations, justifications and fabrications daily!
Rest assured; all these little catastrophes/glitches will be fixed and out of the way by December. The big brains say so. No need to specify which December of which year.
Not since the demolition derby has American showbiz brought you both tragedy and comedy all in just one impossible-to-open package. It's a show to tell your children about, even your grandchildren! If they're not too busy paying their penalties/taxes for not signing up while they try to find a doctor for grandma once this show really gets going nowhere.