Every now and then I make a mistake and have to issue a public apology. Today, I am in the position of having to write a highly embarrassing apology to Brice Horton who was the subject of my recent column "Horton Hears the Who" and my not-so-recent column "Expel Brice Horton." My apology is largely motivated by Mr. Horton's recent threat to sue me for defamation of character. That written threat follows in unedited form:
"Mr. Adams, I would appreciate it if you would delete your posts about me. My roommate is an attorney and says that we could go to court for defamation of character. I do not want that to happen and you have already been in the news enough with suing our University... your employer. I do not want to make a big legal issue out of this. But I will if necessary. She thinks I should sue you... I don't think I should. You have made your case and I have made mine. Please just delete your blogs about me so that this will go no further. Thank you for your time and consideration. (You know we're never gonna agree on anything LOL). Just respect my opinions and I'll respect yours. Best, Brice."
My response and apology will take some time so, please, go to the ice box and get a beer. If you’re an alcoholic don't do that. Instead, get a beer for me.
Dear Mr. Horton:
I am sorry that I cannot honor your request as you have referred to me as "Mr. Adams." My name is now Professor Adams. (Haven’t you been watching the news?). Mr. Adams is my dad and he's never written a column about you - although I think it would be fabulous if he did.
I am sorry but I cannot delete my posts. After sending me two profane emails calling me a “piece of (fecal matter)” and telling me you want me to “rot in hell,” you're mad at me for reprinting them. I guess we would all like to take back all the stupid things we've said but we cannot. It's no longer possible in your case as websites other than Townhall have reprinted your hateful diatribe.
I am sorry Al Gore invented the Internet. Your bigotry is now preserved for future generations. I know that hurts because liberal activists are really concerned about future generations. That's why they usually champion both abortion and sodomy.
I am sorry your roommate is an attorney. I am also sorry your roommate is an idiot. If she thinks you can sue for defamation because you were embarrassed by your own words then she should be disbarred. Clearly, she suffers from severe intellectual hernia. You need to get another roommate. And she really needs to get another client … and another law degree.