John Hawkins

1) Mormons are scary! Ooooh, magic underwear! Multiple wives! They probably hate black people and were behind something or another awful that happened 150 years ago!

2) Obviously Republicans hate women like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann! Wait, bad examples...uhm, let's see, they kill female babies, put women's faces on pinatas and beat them, and degrade women by drawing them with penises in their mouth! That's still us? Geeze, uh...war on women! Move on to the next item! Hurry, hurry!

3) You even have to ask whom you should vote for? What are you, some kind of racist?

4) Obama did lots of great things besides killing Osama! I just don't want to talk about any of those things right now, for no particular reason!

5) Did you know Mitt Romney is a Republican? You're going to vote for a Republican? Seriously? Everybody in my lesbian studies class at Berkeley always says "no" when I ask that question.

6) Barack Obama evolved on gay marriage, unlike Mitt Romney who flip flops on things!

7) It's George Bush's fault! What is? Uh....everything bad, while Obama is responsible for everything good!

8) Mitt Romney is REALLY rich unlike Barack Obama who is just worth 7-8 million dollars, has 40k a plate fund raisers with celebrities, and goes on lavish vacations every 2 1/2 months.

9) Mitt Romney is mean! Republicans are mean! You're mean -- unless you vote for Barack Obama, which makes you nice!

10) Rush Limbaugh. Sarah Palin. Glenn Beck. Andrew Breitbart. Case closed!

11) According to Joe Biden, he's the, "first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man."

12) Did you see how good that guy was at reading speeches off a teleprompter back in 2008? That was really something, wasn't it? Now it's all kind of dull, but he might get better at it again.

13) Mitt Romney once put his dog on the roof of his car so he could go along with the family on vacation instead of humanely eating him as Barack Obama would have undoubtedly done in the same circumstances.


John Hawkins

John Hawkins runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. You can see more of John Hawkins on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, G+,You Tube, and at PJ Media.