Doug Giles

As most of you know, during a football game last week Bob Costas lectured us po’ goofy Americans about the evils of a “gun culture” and how we need to evolve away from being obsessed with firearms. As soon as I heard that drivel roll off Mr. C’s tongue I ordered another 30/06, a sweet Walther PPK and a custom .416 Rigby turnbolt. Cowabunga, Bob. Thanks for reminding me to buy more guns.

First off, let me help you, Robert: Guns do not kill people. Dads with daughters do. Oh, and BTW, Planned Parenthood kills a lot of people … like real innocent babies … like the most vulnerable form of all humanity. Why don’t you piss and moan about PP, Roberto? What’s that I hear? Crickets? Yep, crickets from Costas on the evils of the abortion mills. I would’ve thought that crime would have made Bobby incensed. Oh, well.

Another thing I thought was weird was Bob launching into an anti-gun diatribe during a football game. A football game, BC? Look, I know he was trying to be relevant in his commentary as it related to Belcher’s murder/suicide, but whizzing on guns to a football crowd is like pooh-poohing pasta and red wine to Italians. You should have saved that lecture for a figure skating event where the male contestants are sashaying to Spandau Ballet, doing pirouettes and floating around in unitards with glitter in their hair. You could have come on during a gentle moment and said, “Don’t you think we have too many guns? You do? Me too.”

When it comes to the topic of self-defense I couldn’t give a flibbertigibbet what the heavily guarded Bob Costas says about my right to keep and bear as many firearms as I want. On such a serious topic, I take my cue from a high power. No, I’m not talking about Chuck Norris. I’m talking about Jesus Christ. Yes, what saith the second person of the godhead is what I want to know.

Now, when discussing what Christ would green light in regard to defending one’s self, it’s usually good to actually go to the gospels, read them and then draw conclusions. Here’s what I’ve gotten after scouring Scripture a few times:

1. In His earthly ministry, Jesus didn’t carry a weapon except the time when He took a whip (a whip! You gotta love it!) and drove the TBN clowns out of the temple. He didn’t chide them or write them a strong but tasteful e-mail asking them to please not do that kind of stuff in church.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.