Let me go on the record stating that as a Christian I am completely cool with our Navy SEAL Team Six killing Usama. Or is it Osama? Does anyone know? I heard he liked it both ways. Anyway, the only thing that makes me sad about bin Laden’s death, as an orthodox Christian, is that a). It didn’t happen on Christmas or Easter, and b). The rude SEAL Team Six didn’t include me along to pull the trigger.
Apparently, the SEALs require those who go on their missions to be physically and psychologically fit to the nth degree and stuff—y’know, like being able to swim like Esther Williams during a hurricane with a wildebeest strapped to one’s back. When they told me that, I was like, “Whatever.” And the SEALs were like, “Pfff.” And thus they chose someone else to whack that wacky bastard. So, I guess I’ll have to settle for seconds and wait to play the forthcoming Xbox video game based on the Abbottabad raid entitled, SEAL Team Six: Who’s Yo’ Mama, Usama? But I digress.
So, why do I bring up my Christianity in conjunction with my satisfaction with Usama getting capped? Well, it’s principally because of the rank anti-biblical bollocks coming from pastors and priests who believe that Christians should not be happy that bin Laden has now been eaten by groupers at the bottom of the Indian Ocean (or wherever the heck they tossed his damnable corpse).
For instance, Bill O’Reilly had a Catholic priest, Father Beck, on his show this past week who not only said we should dial down on our biblical joy that this evil SOB was shot but that we should’ve “loved him,” “forgiven him,” and “not judged him” because “we don’t know what was in Usama’s wittle heart that caused him to kill tens of thousands of people worldwide.”
To hear this cat talk, it sounds like all UBL simply needed was some Xanax, a new coloring book and a little face time with Dr. Drew because his daddy didn’t love him enough or something.
Well, Father Crock—I mean Beck—call me a heretic because I believe those commands to “love, forgive and not judge” don’t extend to a sick, twisted, violent, God-hating, woman abusing, implacable, wicked dog like bin Laden but rather to personal verbal detractors of one’s faith (y’know, people who don’t pose a grave global security threat. Duh).
It’s like I wrote in my best selling book, Raising Righteous & Rowdy Girls, about how I raised my girls: If you’re made fun of, ridiculed, or maligned for your beliefs, don’t sweat it; love and pray for your enemies and learn what I’ve learned over many years: Other people’s animosity can actually sell a lot of books.