Doug Giles

Larry David joined the ranks of the rank this week when he whizzed on an image of Jesus Christ on his unfunny HBO show. I think this one will come back to bite you, LD.

Yep, Larry, you should have indeed curbed your enthusiasm when you were contemplating POing Protestants and Catholics who watch HBO and buy your Seinfeld DVDs.

FYI to ludicrous Larry: We “goofy” religious folks who number in the millions in the flyovers take our God seriously and don’t take a shinin’ to tools like you urinating on that which reps our Savior. Heck, we don’t even take kindly to people like Ozzy Osbourne peeing on the Alamo.

I would venture to guess that just as San Antonio banned Ozzy from entering their city until he repented nine years after the fact, you might find Christians in America shunning you and your Seinfeld products like they would a ski parka during a sweaty south Florida summer.

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At least Ozzy had some semblance of an excuse in that he was a blithering, tormented, drunk, drug-infested idiot at the time. What’s your defense?

What David did this week is up there with what “Kramer” did at that L.A. comedy club when he went loopy with his racist rant. I wonder if the Rev. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are going to get as indignant with David as they did with Richards, seeing that Larry whizzed on the God they worship. Hmmm. We shall see.

Hey, church, how do you feel about David deriding an image of Christ in the most despicable manner? I have many Jewish friends here in Miami and across the nation who now think of David as a weapons grade dipstick for doing this.

Wassup, Larry? We don’t see you doing such things to a picture of Moses, or the 10 Commandments, or a Star of David, or … or … Islam. I wonder why, Mr. Unfunny Man. I’ll tell you why you don’t turn your urethra on them: It’s because you’d have hell to pay. So, instead you turn to Hollywood’s whippin’ post, i.e. Christ and Christians.

So why did Larry go out of his way with malice of forethought to tick off millions of Christians? Who knows? Maybe he’s an unimaginative copycat fan of Andres Serrano. That’s a real possibility. Hey, I have an idea for the next Curb episode: Howzabout for your subsequent stunt, Mr. David, you imitate Robert Mapplethorpe’s artwork and jam a bullwhip up your tailpipe, huh?

If turnabout is fair play, I say we start making Larry David jokes such as: “How does Larry David run his fingers through his hair? He cuts the front pockets out of his jeans.”


Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at ClashDaily.com and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.